?Knees up Mother Brown! Pass the dog and bone whilst I pop up the old apple and pears!? This is how a typical person from London talks and we have no clearer example of this than Grade A bell-end and all round East End geezah, Danny Dyer.
As a proper Cockerney hardnut, Danny is the American equivalent of Steven Seagal who somehow gets away with making terrible films again and again.
We all know him from top quality cinema flicks such as erm? and urm… where he points his finger at some muppets, swears repeatedly and dishes out the pain. Recently, Danny Dyer was most known for his horrific ghost written colums where he advocated violence to women. Apart from that, we thought he disappeared in to the hole he came from and died peacefully.
Now we don't know if he has another film coming out, nor do we care but he's had the brainpower to jumble some words together and slag off Vinnie Jones, footballer gone movie star.
Football fans will know all about Vinnie Jones. As a member of Wimbledon’s ‘Crazy Gang’ before they went bankrupt and turned in to a comedy outfit, he played with some of the greatest players of the game. Strangely, the thing he is remembered for is when his hand took control of Paul Gascoigne’s ballsack and crunched them to dust.
We doubt Gazza offered him a tin of lager, a dressing gown, a chicken and a fishing rod afterwards. We doubt he can remember the event at all presently.
Anyway, when footballers finish playing the beautiful game, they either go in to management, coaching or talking shite on highlight shows like Jamie Redknapp. On the other hand, Vinnie Jones, turned his hand to movies and made a couple of decent flicks when it came to films such as Lock Stock and Snatch. Perhaps Danny Dyer is jealous he wasn?t asked or has come to realise he wouldn't take as good a role as Vinnie Jones.
Through his cockney babblings, we were able to get a translator in and see what Danny Dyer was going on about. It turns out he was bitching about Mean Machine, a film they both worked on in 2001. That's right, a film which is bloody nine years old and as culturally important as 56k internet dial up.
Dyer said Vinnie Jones, his fellow co-star:
“His lack of acting nous really showed on that film. There’s a real poignant moment where he explains to these other prisoners how he’s facked up his life. You read the script and he’s meant to cry. When he came to do it, I wanted to put my head in my pocket. It was abysmal. He looked more like he was going to take a shit.
“The one thing I loved about doing the film was seeing the fear in his eyes whenever we had a scene together. He just could not keep up with the pace. I could see him struggling. He’d be waiting for his cue thinking, ‘Oh, now I speak’ and I’d fack about, wait a little bit, do something a bit odd, a bit left field, chuck that in the fackin’ mix.?
Clearly Danny Dyer might have been suffering with a spot of potty mouth and needs his mouth washing out with soap, or a general beating, in order to get him to shut his pie hole. we're sure Vinnie Jones could easily live on the cash he made as a footballer and is riding out the movie lifestyle until someone realises he ain't no Johnny Depp.
Saying that, we?d happily pay ?5 to see Vinnie Jones fight Danny Dyer on a football pitch, it would be great value for money as we?d be in and out the stadium in five minutes as Danny?s ballbag is crushed like a grape that's been stepped on by a particularly large elephant.
Arthur ASCii says
I am stunned to learn that Vinnie “the sensitive type” Jones isn’t particularly good at pretending to cry. Danny, you’ve opened my facking eyes.
alan says
Danny i lived in canning town from 1947 till 1990 shitole now mate not like it use to b i went to ashburton road lived in trinity st