Oooh! Daniel Craig! Eh girls? Those swimming trunks! Eh girls? Those massive solid gym boobs! Eh girls? Daniel Craig! James Bond! Trunks! Eh girls? If you squint, you can imagine what he looks like naked, ammaright girls?! DANIEL CRAIG! NO TOP ON! OH GOD! I THINK I’M GOING TO CUM JUST TYPING HIS NAME OUT! EH GIIIIRRRLLLS?
And so, the world of women collectively start dribbling down their legs at the news that there’s a good chance that the new James Bond film will star Daniel Craig and he’ll probably take his top off a few times throughout. Of course, the film is likely to be rubbish, so women could simply stare at a picture of Craig on Google Images and be done with it.
As for fans of the film franchise, then this must be the news you knew was coming anyway (no new Bond’s have been talked about, so it barely feels like news, does it?).
Of course, the new Bond film nearly didn’t happen, thanks to ‘financial problems’, but like Bond, the franchise wriggled free at the last minute and save itself from getting its balls zapped down the middle by a laser. This means that it can make a big fuss of the fact that the new flick will be the 50th anniversary of the Ian Fleming based movies.
Daniel Craig will have yet another stab at playing 007, and invariably continue to take all the fun out of the role by constantly brooding into camera with a look in his eyes that says “one false move and… I’LL TAKE MY TOP OFF!”
The 23rd Bond will be directed by Sam Mendes who directed American Beauty, which probably means that we’ll get to see Bond in the suburbs, worrying about stuff in his kitchen before wanking off over a barely legal girl in a bath filled with rotting flowers.
007 will be back on 9th November 2012 with production set to kick-off at the end of this year. You’re thrilled to bits aren’t you?
Rumour has it that Michael Sheen will play the bad guy in this, which actually could be rather good (and camp), which Daniel Craig (a man made entirely of wood) could really benefit from.
UNLESS HE TAKES HIS TOP OFF! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
*FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP*
The cinemas will be filled with so many aroused women that they’ll end up being like thawing ice rinks. You disgusting harridans.
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LitGeek says
Sorry, but this must be said: (full disclosure: I’m a chick. A straight one.) I don’t get what the big deal is with any of the Bond actors. There are far more attractive men in films.
Michael Freitag says
Erst Ende 2012? :-(