We know that there are tragedies currently affecting people all over the world, but it might be time to draw your attention to one much closer to home.
Fear not, the mayor of Cornwall hasn't snapped a nail, neither has a massively old tree been sawn down to make way for studio apartments.
This impending problem is a nuisance that we all know about. Like asbestos in the walls, you try and forget about it, but the problem comes back to bite you in the arse. Or kill you. As far as we know, Daniel Bedingfield hasn't killed anyone, but his songs have been known to make us scratch so hard at our ears that internal bleeding has followed. Just when we thought that the wounds had healed, word reaches us that Daniel Bedingfield is about to return.
We never got abused by priests in our youth, so haven't had any terrible flashbacks that wake us during the night. The closest to mind-numbing mental torture is through Daniel Bedingfield?s Gotta Get Thru This. If we have to relive the past, so do you:
As lovers of fine literature and art, we dismissed Daniel Bedingfield straight away and classed him as another pop bellend. Gotta Get Thru This. Oh dear, poor Daniel must have bunked off his English lessons for a sly cigarette or to spy on girls when they were getting changed. Surely he would know that I've Got To Get Through This is the correct form.
Gotta Get Thru This was the first single released by Bedingfield. Other than a few other singles that we can't remember, he hasn't gone on to do many great things. Even if he'd opened a sweet shop, we?d probably feel some emotion towards him. But no, he's continued to plod on and attempt to make more music that is as weak as a diluted Coldplay and Leona Lewis ballad.
But whilst we expect a three and a half minute song full of slop and mushiness that makes teenage girls all emotional, this might not be the case. It looks like Daniel Bedingfield is going for a change of direction. How radical is the musical shift? Whilst it would be fascinating to hear the results of a month?s long LSD binge with only raw bacon to eat, this probably won't happen. Sources close to the singer tell Digital Spy:
?The album has been circulating since before Christmas and it’s generated quite a lot of excitement. Some say the tracks are very good indeed – others think they’re pretty weird.?
But what could they be? Our excitement level has gone into overdrive. Pretty soon, blood vessels in our body might just pop. Using the last ounce of brain power before we short circuit, here are some possibilities:
1) A re-release of the original 2001 track. After all, Take That buggered off for a decade and came back bigger and stronger. Kind of like when you think that spider you smashed to bits is dead.
2) Daniel gets all gritty and realistic on our arses. Taking his name literally, his unwanted new album is recorded in a BED, in a FIELD! Thus taking musical experiments to a totally new level.
3) An unreleased duet with Michael Jackson that all pop stars seem to have conveniently locked in the vaults.
Or failing that, whatever output comes from him will be him banging away on a pair of African tribal bongos whilst his equally annoying sister Natasha plays the recorder. Form an orderly queue now please.
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Justine Clark says
You talk absolute crap re: Daniel Bedingfield in my opinion. His CD Gotta Get Thru This is totally amazing as far as I’m concerned. This is why art is so wonderful and the media is so crucifying. You annoy me immensly and if only you were that spider you so lovingly spoke about.