Creator Of ‘Lost’ To Direct Star Trek

J.J Abrams, the man behind Lost - officially the best TV show in which people suffer lengthy flashbacks and then have a fight on a beach every week - has signed on to direct the new Star Trek movie.

This news would excite hecklerspray were it not for two major reasons: 1) Lost has been steadily going downhill since the first season, and 2) Star Trek movies suck balls like a defective lottery machine.

Apart from that one with the whales. That was kind of fun. In a 'sat in house alone no girlfriend and might as well be dead' kinda way.

Apparently the new entrant in the Star Trek saga - the eleventh, no less - will focus on:

… a young James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock, and chronicles their first meeting at Starfleet Academy and their first mission in space.

Any other plot points remain top secret at the moment, but you can bet your bottom dollar there'll be a few Star Trek standards - interchangeable alien-men with funny foreheads who all speak English with an American accent, yawn-inducing speeches about the nobility of space exploration, and an audience comprised entirely of IT technicians from Doncaster who were only allowed out to the cinema if they promised their mums they'd be back by 11.

It's also a fairly certain proposition that JJ Abrams (who's finally signed up as director after developing the project as a writer and producer for months) will have filled the script with all sorts of contrived plot twists masquerading as complexity trademark Lost-style surprises.

So - what can we expect from this new sci-fi epic? Hecklerspray doesn't really care, to be honest - we're planning on spending the rest of our lives avoiding this film as strenuously as a Michael Barrymore pool party. Unless of course it pops up on BBC 1 on Christmas Day in about eight years time. Maybe then we'll give it a whirl.

But only if The Snowman isn't on the other side. 

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Abrams Set For Next Star Trek Film - ContactMusic