The nice and the nasty.

Folded:

• Death Proof (most people hate it, but show the world you know what you’re talking about and love it)

• Ruth Watson, The Hotel Inspector (strangely sexy, with her random swearing and Swing Out Sister haircut)

• Danbury ‘Rio’ (a Volkswagen Type 2 with leather seats. Please send us one for a test drive. Gracias)

• Rosario Dawson (boot heel + head = ooh, you go girl! Yeah, or something similar)

• The enigma that is 50 Cent (you’ve got to admire the fat lying hypocrite and his refusal to back down. Looks like they’ll have to shoot him even more this time)

Creased:

• Accidentally typing Death Poof instead of Death Proof (easy enough mistake, but it makes you a whole new world of enemies)

• Late night car alarms (how come they never seem to wake up the owner?)

• New Argos book (now officially heavier than John Merrick’s head)

• Orange flavoured Coca Cola (or just chew a packet of Refreshers with some lemonade)

• Lambrini TV advert featuring The Snake (Al Wilson’s soul classic about being shitty to women cheapened beyond belief by a load of scally drunk chicks dancing)