Look at Courtney Love. Seriously, look at her – look at her bedraggled hair and giant fishy mouth.
That woman is SEXY. Don’t deny it. Whatever your gender or sexual persuasion, you can’t deny that you’d like to have sex with Courtney Love. It’s her deeply-ingrained sexuality that does it. Or her basic lack of communication skills. Or the way that her eyes don’t seem to point in the same direction sometimes. Or the way that having sex with Courtney Love is the closest that most people will ever come to having sex with a 75-year-old homeless man.
That’s why we can forgive Kate Moss, who Courtney Love named as one of her sexual partners, before denying it. And it’s also why we can’t understand Courtney Love’s boyfriend Andre Balazs, who’s just dumped Courtney Love over the claims. Because, really? He chose that reason, out of everything? Weirdo.
Spare a thought for Andre Balazs today. As a boyfriend of Courtney Love he was always going to face unflattering comparisons to Kurt Cobain. And, because all things are finite, he knew that when he inevitably split up with Courtney Love he’d probably be the subject of about 800 angry and spectacularly incomprehensible tweets. But he can’t have known that he’d end up splitting up with Courtney Love because she might have had sex with Kate Moss two decades ago.
Last week, for whatever reason – possibly because she was tired of living a lie, or possibly because people hadn’t openly expressed concern about her mental health for eight or nine minutes – Courtney Love decided to tell the world about the time that she and Kate Moss had a lesbian fling in Milan in the 1990s. She’s since denied it on Twitter, but now because of that – possibly out of shame or possibly because he knows that he’ll never look as good in a minidress as Kate Moss – Andre Balazs has ditched Courtney Love. The Sun reports:
A pal said: “Andre was very fond of Courtney, but found some of her behaviour embarrassing. “And after a series of rows last week – including one over why she felt the need to ‘out’ Kate – he told her it was over.”
That’s sad. But Courtney Love has bounced back from worse, so she’ll easily be able to bounce back from this. And if Andre Balazs doesn’t want her, we’re sure she can find solace by recreating her time with Kate Moss. By which we obviously mean that she should find a Twiglet with a minge and dry-hump the crap out of it.
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Diana Trimble says
Brilliantly scathing! Indeed one wonders what other drugs Kurt must’ve been on in order to bed the hag. Mind-control serum perhaps?
Although I was amused by this tale, and especially your reportage of it, at the same time, I really can hardly wait for the day when the MEDIA dumps Courtney Harrison once and for all.
When will the train wreck END????!!!!