Phew, the summer movie season is over – now we can enjoy the more thoughtful awards season movies instead, like, um, The Dark Knight.
You see, even though every single living organism on the face of the Earth has already been to see The Dark Knight about 17 times already, producers are scared that the Academy will forget about it come Oscar nomination time, which is why they’ve pencilled in another theatrical release of The Dark Knight for January.
Of course, by January The Dark Knight‘s bloated special effects are going to look foolish up against the more intelligent, issue-led fare of awards season, which is why Christopher Nolan is currently busy re-editing the movie to make Batman look like the widower of mentally-disabled United Nations worker killed in Darfur by a missile built in Iraq but funded by the American government, who are obviously the real baddies in all of this.
The Dark Knight is officially a sensation. It’s the second-highest grossing movie in all of history; critics and fans have lavished it with praise, calling it one of the best movies ever made and it’s actually so good that we can’t even watch films any more because we end up projectile vomiting all over the upholstery because none of them are even a tenth as good as The Dark Knight.
But, despite all this, will The Dark Knight actually win any Oscars? Well, probably not. It might deserve a few, but it won’t win them for the following reasons:
1) Hollywood still has a stigma about rewarding superhero movies in the main Oscar categories.
2) The Dark Knight came out in the summer, and people only seriously consider movies for the Oscars if they’re released between October and February.
3) Sean Penn will probably release an incredibly serious movie right before the Oscars where he’ll play someone either disabled or historically significant and everyone who can vote for the Oscars will roll around on their backs playing with themselves going “Uuuuh, Sean Penn! Uuuuh, Sean Penn! Muh muh moo muh moo!” as soon as they see it and he’ll win everything instead.
Or at least that was the theory. But now the clever producers of The Dark Knight have struck upon a cunning ruse to jolt the movie back into everyone’s memory come Oscar time. No, sadly they’re not going to exhume Heath Ledger‘s body and make it dance marionette-style to the hits of Prince up and down the streets of Hollywood right before Oscar night.
Instead they’re just going to release The Dark Knight in cinemas again in January. BBC News reports:
Batman blockbuster The Dark Knight could be re-released in cinemas in January, ay the height of the Oscar voting season. Warner Bros is in talks with Imax over the prospect of restoring the film to some big-screen theatres. It is hoped the push will help the film’s Academy Award chances, trade paper The Hollywood Reporter said.
Oh, OK, maybe we should calm down a little in that case. The Dark Knight is only going to get re-released at Imax cinemas. That means, if it’s anything like the last run, we’ll never get tickets to see it anyway because all the showings will be sold-out, even a month in advance, even at 3am.
So, in that case, we’ll be giving our Oscar vote to Sean Penn this year.
At least you’re guaranteed your own row at his movies.
machernucha says
dya think that “give heath the oscar” will pop up subliminally?
Personally i hope that Quantum of solace kicks its ass in the oscars. becuase i think that casino royale shits over dark knight