Monday to Friday, you wake up as soon as you hear the alarm clock ringing. It's telling you to get your lazy arse out of bed and force yourself to that 9-5 desk job that you love oh-so very much.
Most people have their own idea of what their own perfect job would be. For pretty much all of the hardworking staff at hecklerspray we’d quite like to be beer tasters. How class would it be to get paid to drink nothing but beer all day in a permanent self-loathing hungover fug? We know it would be ace, but sadly it's not going to come true. Some people are just luck, though. Take Coleen McLoughlin for example. All she has to do all day is be famous just because her boyfriend plays football. But you know what? All Coleen McLoughlin can do is whine about how hard it all is.
Coleen McLoughlin was fortunate enough to be the childhood sweetheart of Shrek Wayne Rooney. He’s the scouse hothead forward of Manchester United and England legend. When you're good enough to kick a football around for 90 minutes, some idiots will offer you silly sums of money to do it. Someone offered Rooney about £50,000 a week – probably more – to do so. Even though, lately, he hasn't really been that good at it.
So where does the Rooney money go? Well as we’ve all seen in various papers, Wayne’s hard earned cash goes straight to Coleen McLoughlin so she can buy the finest shell suits that the streets of Liverpool have to offer. Oh, and a few designer goods which only we can dream about affording, too. A few thousand quid on a bag? Sod that, we know a bloke in the pub who can get you the same clobber for a fiver or a few pints.
But it’s not all spend spend spend for our Coleen McLoughlin – she also makes time to complain incessantly about her horrible life. Because you know what some horrible monsters make Coleen McLoughlin do each day? It's far worse then being exploited in a sweatshop all your life for sportswear companies – oh God, it’s much more ghastly. Some scoundrel has made Coleen McLoughlin do some photoshoots. For up to nine hours a day! Seriously, Coleen told The Mirror:
"Everyone thinks you just smile for the cameras but I have to do nine-hour photo shoots at a time."
Fucking hell, can you believe that? How shit must that be? Hell, we’re sure getting your make-up done, hair styled and outfits provided for you is so bad it must make you want to throw up everywhere. We're so outraged here at hecklerspray that we’re offering Coleen McLoughlin the chance to swap her shit day job for any other job in the world. We'd be willing to imagine that most people would be able to pain themselves through the trauma of posing for photos for nine hours while Coleen tried her hand at, you know, actually working.
Coleen. You have our email address. Get in touch ASAP so we can release you from your hell. Aren’t we nice?
Read more:
Coleen insists WAG life is hard work – Digital Spy
[story by Matthew Laidlow]
Paula Lawless says
Helloooo Coleen ur my idol and i would love to meet you my names paula lawless and im 13 years old and u inspire me so much x byee
Penny says
Please I woulid like to get in touch with Coleen can anyone send me details on how to contact her. I think I have the x-faxtor in a real woman she is looking for. Please someone help get in touch.Thanx