Ever since Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin decided to “consciously uncouple,” I have been waiting for him to bring out his inner rock star slut and go on a groupie rampage. You know dude has probably not felt the warm touch of a woman in many, many years.
Sadly, Martin doesn’t seem to be pulling a Gene Simmons, and instead is reportedly dating Jennifer Lawrence. While this pairing doesn’t exactly make tons of sense to me, I do get a sick pleasure out of the thought that Gwyneth is crying into her white 9000 thread count organic Egyptian cotton sheets about it.
So, it kind of seems like Chris Martin has a type. His type appears to be blonde actresses who get critical acclaim for their work and kind of play the “down to earth” chick off screen. We obviously have learned over the years that no matter how hard Paltrow tries, no one actually buys that she is just a regular gal who you could hang out with, have a pint, and bullshit with. She is much too GOOPy for that shit. Jennifer Lawrence, however, seems to be a little more legitimate, though only time will tell.
According to some anonymous sources (Chris Martin’s revenge side), Martin and Lawrence have been dating since June. Dating, not hooking up. They were seen at a Coldplay concert in July together, flirting and making sure enough people saw them so that word got out. JLaw is 24, while Chris is 37, so there is a bit of an age gap that. I guess after dating Nicholas Hoult these last few years, Lawrence wanted an older, more beaten down man. And after Gwyneth, it makes sense that Chris wants someone who isn’t a pretentious stuck up snob who claims to speak to water and has a martyr complex.
Not to be out matched up, both Martin and Lawrence’s exes have also moved on it seems. Hoult has majorly downgraded, and is rumored to be hooking up with Kristen Stewart. I guess since he had to deal with Jennifer’s overly obnoxious exaggerated facial expressions for so long, Nicholas decided to go for a 180 next time and be with someone who makes one constipated face 24/7.
Gwyneth on the other hand, is reportedly dating Glee creator, Brad Falchuk. When I first heard Goopy was dating a Glee guy, I was really confused because I thought they were all gay. I mean, have you seen the show? How could anyone straight write that shit? But it seems one of them is, and Paltrow really wants to be apart of the final season of that crap.