At the time of writing, Cheryl Cole is still the nations? favourite weird-dress wearing, vomity-ex-husband having, egregiously-wrong autobiographical song-writing gal.
Of course, this will all change when she breaks up girls aloud ? hopefully with a large mallet ? or when it turns out that one of the numerous celebrity guest judges on The X Factor is far less prone to crying all of the fluid from their body every ten minutes, or turns out to have a more comprehensible accent, or is less liable to turn up in a dress made of, I dunno, spanners and bottle tops. Or when everyone remembers the fact that she is a violent racist.
The point is, she's the nations? darling and we ain't never not gonna not let her go. Especially not to America.
It's a time honoured rite of passage for any British pop star of any stature to go over to the States to try and ?crack? America.? Just like it's a time honoured rite of passage for the same celebrities to fail to sell any records, try and hang around a bit with people who have no idea who you are and return home early, like a 14 year old boy who has managed to sneak into a cocktail party thrown by David Mamet and only manages to contribute armpit farts to the conversations about Brechtian representations of reality, engagement, and the concept of Verfremdungseffekt.
Well, it sounds like Chezza isn't even going to try. The Mirror bends at the knees and whispers Will.i.am’s words:
Despite the levels of success and fame she has reached, she is a real home girl, and from the conversations I have had with her I never see her leaving the UK full-time.? Yes she will be in LA more when the US X Factor starts, and she might even buy a base there, but I don't see anybody or anything that will make her decide the US is home.
Well, OK.
She's not actually trapped in Britain as such. Unless you count the fact that she isn't that talented as ?being trapped?.
It's not like she's come out as a terrorist who wants to blow up any plane that she's put on or anything. It's more that a moderately-successful singer and far more-successful clothes wearer might buy a holiday home out in LA at some indeterminate point in the future.
Not really news is it?
Of course, there could be another explanation as to why she won't go. I prefer to think that it's down to the lack of Newcastle Brown out there. That, and I’ve heard that LA is full of the black people. She just might not be able to control herself.