Right, seriously, can animals stop biting celebrities now, please? Sam Fox being bitten by a rabid cat we could take.
But Cheryl Cole? Being struck down with malaria? After being bitten by an infected mosquito? That’s just weird. But apparently true – according to reports, Cheryl Cole has pulled out of all work commitments for at least the next week after contracting the potentially deadly disease malaria during a recent visit to East Africa. She’s apparently being treated at a private hospital, and hopefully the illness was caught quickly enough for it not to be serious.
Scientists haven’t yet found a way to link the malaria with that time Ashley Cole puked over another woman during sex, but rest assured there’s a team of experts working around the clock who won’t stop until they’ve done exactly that.
Cheryl Cole has got malaria. No, that still doesn’t seem right, does it? After all, malaria is best known for killing Africans, and Cheryl Cole isn’t African. True, she was arrested for beating up an African while allegedly screaming a torrent of racist abuse, but that probably shouldn’t put her any more at risk.
What’s that? Cheryl Cole has just visited Africa? Oh right, yes, that’s probably a much better reason. The Press Association has details:
Cheryl Cole has contracted the potentially deadly disease malaria, according to reports. The X Factor judge, 27, is said to have been diagnosed after collapsing at a photoshoot over the weekend. It follows a visit she made last month to the east African country of Tanzania. According to the Daily Mirror, she is receiving treatment at London’s private Cromwell hospital.
Malaria, obviously, is caused by the plasmodium parasite and spread via infected mosquitoes. There are anything up to 500 million cases of malaria each year, causing up to three million – mostly infant – deaths. So, while it’s likely that she’ll make a full recovery, maybe Cheryl Cole will be able to use her celebrity to draw attention to the cause. Maybe she’ll donate a large percentage of her future earnings to the development of a malaria vaccine.
Or maybe she’ll just record a generic Heal The World-style song and film a video for it where she dresses in white and looks at some sad Africans in a slightly patronising way. That’d be good too.
What makes this news all the more ironic is the fact that Cheryl Cole had just finished recording a new song called I Will Definitely Never Contract Malaria. Oh Cheryl, first Fight For This Love and now this? You really are the world’s most inept fortune teller. Get well soon, though, eh?
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Any word on how the poor mosquito’s doing?
I will always remember the model that collapsed on the runway because of testicular cancer.
Gotta agree with Taffhamster’s mosquito comment. Someone should really thank it; Cheryl Cole pulling out of work commitments for the forseeable future? It might as well be Christmas
not the first time shes been bitten by an annoying little parasite is it ?
True the mosquito gave her malaria, but what she gave it was much worse. Vapidity and Racism. Poor thing, they say it will never recover.
Though there are talks of it marrying a Greenfly to help it’s public image.
This world get worse and worse there are so many AFRICAN POOR kids dying with malaria and no one cares but because its Cheryl Cole that once was racist and the fact she married a black man don’t stop her from still being. And also if Ashley is out there getting drunk so what? Ermmm i mean she did leave him and after all he still wants her back and she won’t take him this its so frustrating how the media talks about celebrity life’s as if people that are not celebrity don’t have life’s.
Why not talk about poverty? Why not talk about the economy more? I honestly don’t know what talent she has unless someone can remind me? Yes she sings but not good enough to go solo and to get all the money she does and to say she is a show judge for people with NATURAL TALENT??
P.S Get well soon I honestly hope you read this and see where some of us are coming from xx