Charlotte ‘Oooh! Hasn’t She Lost Some Weight?’ Church has built a pub in her garden so, presumably, she can get dog-drunk and take a slash in a nearby hedge without fear of passing strangers throwing pint glasses at her head and singing ‘Crazy Chick’ at her whilst she farts the Welsh national anthem.
Well, that’s what we’d do if we had the chance.
Yep, the singer turned chatshow host turned baby making device isn’t happy enough with her folks owning a boozer and has built one of her own for the sake of that most precious of commodities for the sleb – privacy.
The popera singer likes to get lashed with Gavin Henson (aka Mrs Charlotte Church) but she’s pig-sick of us plebs running after her and taking pictures of her being leathered on our mobile phones. She’s got a point. Hecklerspray staff have all got a video each of Church puking up rice dyed with blue WKDs. It’s mandatory to catch your own footage if you want to work here.
Okay, that’s clearly not true.
So instead of running the gauntlet around Cardiff city centre (a hellish experience if ever there was one), her and her beau have created a pub in the grounds of their ?800,000 farmhouse.
Church says:
“I don't like going into town any more as everybody?s got camera phones and knows how to sell a story about me.”
“If we're out and think it's getting a bit raucous, we?ll take the party back to the bar in our garden instead.”
In fairness to Church, the press went a bit mental focusing on her nights out which would invariably see people referring to her as a ‘wild child’ and gasping in astonishment that someone might possibly drink a bit too much and then end up having an embarrassing squabble with their partner, invariably referred to as a ‘bust-up’.
It’s pretty obvious that every single reader of Hecklerspray is a hopeless alcoholic who shouts wildly at passers-by, throwing their phones at walls whilst having massive hissy-fits only to be later found weeping and covered in detritus in the nation’s kebab shops.
And while we all drink ourselves yellow, Church and her Welsh rugby star boyfriend are actually calming down. Presumably because they’ve got kiddiewinks now.
?We do go out occasionally. Actually, I'll be honest, it's about once every two weeks.”
“Gavin and I still haven't quite learned to drink responsibly. It might happen one day.”
So there you have it. A moral at the end of a non-story. Charlotte Church in Drinks Just Like You Do Shocker! What a failing species we are.
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Johnathan says
Damn I wanted to be invited as well!