Charlie Sheen is making it increasingly difficult for hecklerspray to write jokes. Now, you’d think that, the more he opens his mouth, the more opportunity we’d have to poke fun at him. Alas, the truth is, Sheen is now transcending jokes themselves. He’s beyond farce.
As such, we’re now more than willing to just let him take the floor.
Chandelier bully, tiger blooded, napalm brained, sallow faced master of all things ‘win’, Sheen is now getting so much air-time that it looks like he’s hovering. And now, he’s calling Hugh Hefner an amateur and using increasingly wild analogies for his life. When he dies in the next 12 months, we’re sure going to miss him.
Talking to ABC News, and presumably leaving them exhausted, he’s been crowing about how much he loves his life with his twin boys and two young girlfriends.
Sheen says:
“It’s perfect. It’s awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books.”
“We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it’s scary. People say it’s lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.”
Uh-oh. ‘Sure like the view’? He’s starting to repeat himself! COME ON CHUCK! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!
Talking about his goddesses, who are the (presumably increasingly weary) graphic designer Natalie Kenly and porn star Rachel Oberlin, he adeed:
“They’re an international sensation. These are my girlfriends. These are the women that I love that have completed the three parts of my heart.”
A heart that runs on tiger blood remember. So will he be marrying them?
“I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer – I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.”
But he does have gold teeth, which is just wonderful. So too his is view that Hugh Hefner is “an amateur”.
He rounded things off with this:
“I’m gonna say this. It’s a polygamy story. All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It’s like an organic union of the hearts.”
Does it seem like Sheen is constantly running on the spot shouting random words to anyone who will listen to anyone else?
It’s exhausting just watching this man die on his feet.
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T-Cake says
It’s kind of amazing how the guy can act and work on a tv series and be institutional-grade crazy. I bet Martin is proud.
pablo says
I think maybe Charlie Sheen believes he’s Charlie Harper.
BOW BEFORE THE says
GREAT GOD CHARLIE! Yes he’s going to flame out in about a year if we’re lucky to have him that long, but who wouldn’t love to have that year? Or even the last six months. All hail Charlie.
The God of totally, brilliantly, mental drug abusing, hard drinking, harder partying, and rampant sex-capades.
Sunny says
I find him incredibly entertaining.
Who knew he, behind his normally drugged out former demeanor actually had a touch of Hunter S. Thompson lurking behind his sinister looking eyebrows? Seriously, “Mercury surfboard” does it get better than that?
Then there’s Tiger Blood… who needs Red Bull anymore?
Gusto says
This is silly…Charlie Sheen crazy?? Crazy like a MAN!!…common hecklespray get real…you and everyother so called reporter/columnist/blogger is nothing less than absolutely jealous of the man…the guy that wrote this article (mof) would love to sit around talking shit drinking and having threesomes with blondes in his huge estate…but you all cant…because you are not rich and if you were you would waste that money by living a boring meaningless life. Leave Charlie alone, he is living it up!!. I bet this won’t even be posted because the writer totally agrees with me and doesnt want to admit it. WWWOOOO TIGER BLOOD!!!
Charles says
I iz Charlie Blood. Evil warlocks attempting media kill. Fans withstand the abuse. They haz tiger blood.
Psst – torpedo away. Told ya.