Remember Matthew Perry? Y’know? Chandler from Friends? If you do, you’ll remember he went as thin as a heroin-addict’s dog for a while, before ballooning to the size of a shed full of butter, before going thin again and walking off the edge of the Earth, never to be seen again.
Well, Chandler is back to tell us something!
That’s right! He is here to announce that he’s been looking at himself in the mirror, horrified with what he’s seen and been drinking or gobbling handfuls of pills or something to deal with the wreck he is. And so, without anyone actually caring thus far, he’s announced he’s off to rehab to ‘focus on his sobriety.’
This time ’round, the Friends star hasn’t said what he’s addicted to, but in the past, he’s had an almost admirable fondness for painkillers.
He got himself addicted to Vicodin after he had a little accident on a jet ski and was later found throwing 20 to 30 pills a day down his neck. He then found himself in hospital with pancreatitis due to amazing amounts of booze in his bloodstream.
He should’ve spoken to Michael Jackson. Propofol is obviously where it’s at! Anyway, what has the former famous person got to say from himself?
In a statement, Perry says:
“I'm making plans to go away for a month to focus on my sobriety and to continue my life in recovery.”
And while you may think ‘Awww, what a shame! I kinda liked him. You idiot so-called journalists should get a life and stop being so nasty to a sitcom superstar!’, we’ll point out that Perry noted in his statement:
“Please enjoy making fun of me on the world wide web.”
So there you have it. If you have a problem with us poking fun at a desperately unhappy man, you should note that we’re only doing as the actor says and disagreeing with him is just like wanting him TO DIE.
HOW COULD YOU, YOU HORRIBLE GHOULS?
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JoeMomma says
You know, I thought he was a pompous bore. But with his crack of :
Danny Tripp says
Shame, he’s only a partial d-bag. He was great in Studio 60, shame that got cancelled because America is retarded.
Oh, well. Best of luck, Mr. Perry.