There are multiple reasons why we're proud to be British instead of Canadian. Not only do we have a delicious national dish known as the curry, but we have produced some of the greatest music in the world across all genres. In Canada, the same can't be said. With a national delicacy of bashed seal heads severed with a side order of snow, it isn't really a mouth watering dish.
Canada does however boast a bucket load of musicians but when you look at what's been produced, you have to despair for the poor nation. How about six year old Justin Bieber? Or if you want something more grown up, you can always rock out to Bryan Adams.
However, the queen bee of Canadian music is none other than Celine Dion, a woman who made the awful film Titanic even worse. She's been off the radar of late after giving birth (and being booed and bullied by the people of Canada at a show – go team!), but the alarm bells are going in music land. A live comeback is being threatened with an odd tribute to Michael Jackson.
Apart from releasing soppy ballads that cause their mental fans to go weak at the knees, there isn't really much else that connects Michael Jackson and Celine Dion. Both singers are around the same age, so it's difficult to work out how the two found some sort of mutual bond.
If Celine Dion was only nineteen, we?d have known that she'd visited one of Michael Jackson?s sleepovers where all sorts of fun, frolics and inappropriate touching went on.
Or perhaps they both met over a glass of wine one day? We all know that Michael Jackson liked a drink. If he'd still been alive, we assume that he'd have set up his own vineyard where the singer would have blended the finest grapes so that a fruity Jesus Juice beverage was created. And because Michael Jackson always pushed everything he did to the limit, his Jesus Juice would have been exclusively available for his ?younger? fans.
Based on the state of Jackson before the never ending run of gigs at London?s O2 Arena started, he'd have had to fall back on something after making a mess in front of thousands of adoring mentalists due to his inability of walking. Somehow, watching him do World Song when strapped to a wheelchair whilst Dr. Conrad Murray injected him with mind bending drugs wouldn't have been that awesome to watch. According to someone who paid Celine Dion a shred of attention, she said:
“I admired Michael a lot. I took notice when he sang Ben on a TV show.?
We've never heard this so-called ‘Ben’ track which makes us think one of two things. Firstly, Celine Dion went slightly delusional at some point and didn't know what she was doing. Or more realistically, this song of Jackson’s was a rubbish demo that never really got further than him trying it live. However, we're sure that diehard Michael Jackson nuts will correct us and call us ignorant. It seems however that a mutual affection the two happened with Celine harping on again:
?I’ll never forget the day he came to see my show (A New Day),” she says. “He sat toward the back. Afterward he came to talk to me. He wanted to know about doing the show, what it took. I think he was interested in maybe doing the same thing on the Strip.”
We can't knock Jackson for standing at the back. Who the hell would want to lose all their credibility and be seen at a Celine Dion gig? But talk about stripping? Urgh, we now have a horrific image of the two getting jiggy and making sweet love.
The horror, we mind go burn our head so the thoughts are erased.
Nobody quite knows what Michael Jackson songs Celine Dion will cover. Even if it's the most energetic track of the former King of Pop, She'll turn in to a never ending ballad of drivel.
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chatty_J says
It’s a horrid sacchrine ballad…. recorded when he was about 10??
It’s about a boys love for a rat….
http://getlatestnews.com/7920/michael-jackson-song-ben-lyrics-youtube-video/
You assholes says
Thanks for the visual image of Celion and Michael throwing caution to the wind, not to mention their clothes, and potentially producing more bassackward, mental midgets that dance like a taser was stuffed up their ass and sing like a squirell just climbed up their leg looking for the nuts.
You’re bad, bad, bad people Heckler….BAD!!!!
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG….GET…..IT….OUT….OF …..MY…..HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
assholes
I’m not getting a damn thing done today at work….and I’m getting drunk at lunch, blackouts have got to be better than picturing that-that-that HORROR!
Barbara says
How is it possible to produce such a mean, uninspired, despicable, stupid, nonsensical post ?
A fine exemple of mental garbage journalism !
MIJACology says
She wishes she had as much talent as the genius named Michael Jackson. She doesn’t. Nobody can ever come close to being as brilliant or talented as The King of Pop. Long live Michael Jackson.
C Anderson says
Wow! You need to find something else to write about. This piece about a world renowned and respected man that did a ton of good for this earth while with us …only makes you appear to be quite out of touch and and boring. Michael Jackson was a great humanitarian and entertainer. Two things Celine admires and is herself. She knew Michael and he was a strong inspiration to her. HE is why she decided to learn and sing in English too. Such a devoted to world healing man seems to really scare some people. He was very in touch with our world circumstances and not afraid to try to help the planet become educated and take more steps to heal the planet. There are countless celebrities putting on tributes for Michael………now and for years and years to come. He is immensely loved and respected by the world………..there’s always a few that aren’t seeing things the same way. He totally understood that and would just say…send them love.
Cookie Monster says
Okay, first-off, I have to address your complete and utter ignorance of the Canadian culture. That you said, “national delicacy of bashed seal heads severed with a side order of snow” is, to us, laughable. The delicacy is heavily tenderized baby seal heads, still attached (severed? Really? You have obviously never decapitated a baby seal, else you would know better) on a bed of yellow snow, Mr Laidlow (if that is your real name).
Next, when 19, Celine was still female, hence MJ would not have had her at one of his private parties. She would have been handed-over to Liz Taylor for immediate youth-serum extraction.
Finally, C Anderson… what? Like, really, what the hell are you going on about? Maybe next time you should use a crayon to diagram your thoughts out on a wall, take a picture of the result, and submit it to Hecklersplash. Readers would surely be able understand your thoughts better than when trying to parse that drooling gibberish of a comment. On the plus side, it did make me giggle. However, the crayon edition would surely have made me outright laugh.
thomas de witt says
you brits are the s s you are so smug and ignorant just like piss morgan and simon cow
Pop Fan says
I’ve not read this and I’ve no intention of leaving a comment either.
w...t....f??? says
“In touch with the world”?????
Ummmmmm, maybe in touch with the 11yr boy cancer patient visiting the home front or himself, but in touch with the world? Highly doubtful.
Then why says
Leave one? Pop fan did we pop a few too many at the pub before reading Heckler? Normally I’d say this would be a requirement, but in your case I would instead recommend 2cc’s of a sense of humour and reading this sober.
Dion Fan says
Trash journalism. Going to print off 2 copies and line my cats litter boxes with them. What the article is good for. Shitting on.