Celebrity Haiku Competition: The Queen
Then buzz it up
November 5th, 2007 at 11:00 by C J Davies
Here we go, then. Another Monday, another chance for you to sarcastically riff on a topical celebrity story via the medium of ancient Japanese poetry.
It's time for hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition. If you've got a spare few minutes to waste, we literally couldn't think of a better way. We certainly wouldn't recommend following the advice of that mate of yours who told you to Google search that 'hilarious' 2 Girls 1 Cup video. Seriously. We wouldn't. Seriously.*
Anyway. Before we kick off this week's proceedings, it's high time we took a look at the winner from last time around.
Seven otherwise worthless days ago, we challenged you to come up with the best haiku about the fact that horse-faced atrocity Amy Winehouse had been rejected as the singer for the new Bond film. The winner, we've decided, was someone called Panini, whose wonderful effort read:
From Russia With Love
I guess that's what's written on
Amy's box of skag
Well done, Panini. You win our quite frankly awesome weekly prize: two whole packets of Space Raiders crisps. Send us yer details and we'll send your pant-wettingly amazing gift.
What about you, though? Don't you want your very own double set of tasty alien-shaped corn snacks? Christ on a bike made of willies - of course you do. And here's how you can get 'em …
Simply come up with the best haiku about this week's story:
The Queen has been named by Vogue as one of the world's Most Glamorous Women.
All you've gotta do is remember the golden rule of Haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An example - based on this week's story - would look like this:
Her Royal Highness
can spend lots of money on
clothes? Well, whoop-tie doo
Think you can do better? Entries in the comments box below, if you please…
*Really. Don't. Honestly. Look - you won't be able to unwatch it.
Related and recent:
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Bald Britney Spears
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Trinny And Susannah
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Gay Superman
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Uma Thurman
- Celebrity Haiku: The Year In Review
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Paul McCartney
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: ‘Ashamed’ Mel Gibson
- Celebrity Haiku Competition: Amy Winehouse
November 5th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Well done me - keep tab, I'm saving up for the multipack…
The Queen? Glamorous?
But I've seen more glamourous
Genital herpes
November 5th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
If my expenses
were funded by the public
i’d look great also
November 5th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
The Queen is in vogue
And most of us are thankful
She’s got some clothes on
November 5th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
‘Glamorous’. Really.
I must reevaluate
Such a common word
November 6th, 2007 at 12:17 am
*Off Topic*
I think I was better off with you not even mentioning that video. However, now I will never, ever look at porn again. Thank you very much. Although, it would have been worse with the audio.
November 6th, 2007 at 1:37 am
Gloves, pearls and fruit hats
No excuses-it’s awful
Please tell her it’s tat
ps look up “awful”, meanings include “majestic and dreadful”
November 6th, 2007 at 1:50 am
Thanks for the warning re 2 Girls 1 cup.
Fortunately I took your advice and read the description first.
Even so, I’ve still had acid flashbacks to that horror “Sweet Movie”
November 6th, 2007 at 3:46 am
We’ve known you so long,
ma’am, mum, you and Charlie boy.
That’s just how it is.
November 6th, 2007 at 4:36 am
I read it in Vogue
Stodgy’s the new glamourous
Hail, Regina
November 6th, 2007 at 7:25 am
Vogue says glamorous?
I want what these freaks are on.
They’re out of their minds!
ps re AG “it would have been worse with the audio”? The description alone was enough to turn a patch of my hair blonde.
(I’m avoiding the “W” word, it’s a tad contentious at the moment)
November 6th, 2007 at 8:48 am
Hecklerspray haiku!
Each line exists by itself.
So don’t merely cut
a line in two.
Bearing that in mind, I called the last winner of Celeb Haiku correctly, and this time I’m picking ME!
So bring it on!!
November 7th, 2007 at 5:12 am
Elizabeth reigns
Vogue thinks she is glamorous
(The Braille edition)