Celebrity Haiku Competition: The Queen

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November 5th, 2007 at 11:00 by C J Davies

Celebrity Haiku Competition The Queen Glamorous VogueHere we go, then. Another Monday, another chance for you to sarcastically riff on a topical celebrity story via the medium of ancient Japanese poetry.

It's time for hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition. If you've got a spare few minutes to waste, we literally couldn't think of a better way. We certainly wouldn't recommend following the advice of that mate of yours who told you to Google search that 'hilarious' 2 Girls 1 Cup video. Seriously. We wouldn't. Seriously.*

Anyway. Before we kick off this week's proceedings, it's high time we took a look at the winner from last time around.

Seven otherwise worthless days ago, we challenged you to come up with the best haiku about the fact that horse-faced atrocity Amy Winehouse had been rejected as the singer for the new Bond film. The winner, we've decided, was someone called Panini, whose wonderful effort read:

From Russia With Love

I guess that's what's written on

Amy's box of skag

Well done, Panini. You win our quite frankly awesome weekly prize: two whole packets of Space Raiders crisps. Send us yer details and we'll send your pant-wettingly amazing gift.

What about you, though? Don't you want your very own double set of tasty alien-shaped corn snacks? Christ on a bike made of willies - of course you do. And here's how you can get 'em …

Simply come up with the best haiku about this week's story:

The Queen has been named by Vogue as one of the world's Most Glamorous Women.

All you've gotta do is remember the golden rule of Haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An example - based on this week's story - would look like this:

Her Royal Highness

can spend lots of money on

clothes? Well, whoop-tie doo

Think you can do better? Entries in the comments box below, if you please…

*Really. Don't. Honestly. Look - you won't be able to unwatch it. 

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12 Responses to “Celebrity Haiku Competition: The Queen”

  1. Panini Says:

    Well done me - keep tab, I'm saving up for the multipack…

    The Queen? Glamorous?

    But I've seen more glamourous

    Genital herpes

  2. Phsyt Says:

    If my expenses
    were funded by the public
    i’d look great also

  3. euclid Says:

    The Queen is in vogue
    And most of us are thankful
    She’s got some clothes on

  4. Capt America Says:

    ‘Glamorous’. Really.
    I must reevaluate
    Such a common word

  5. Adam Gade Says:

    *Off Topic*
    I think I was better off with you not even mentioning that video. However, now I will never, ever look at porn again. Thank you very much. Although, it would have been worse with the audio.

  6. JBollocks Says:

    Gloves, pearls and fruit hats
    No excuses-it’s awful
    Please tell her it’s tat

    ps look up “awful”, meanings include “majestic and dreadful”

  7. JBollocks Says:

    Thanks for the warning re 2 Girls 1 cup.
    Fortunately I took your advice and read the description first.

    Even so, I’ve still had acid flashbacks to that horror “Sweet Movie”

  8. Harry Says:

    We’ve known you so long,
    ma’am, mum, you and Charlie boy.
    That’s just how it is.

  9. sparkymike Says:

    I read it in Vogue
    Stodgy’s the new glamourous
    Hail, Regina

  10. JBollocks Says:

    Vogue says glamorous?
    I want what these freaks are on.
    They’re out of their minds!

    ps re AG “it would have been worse with the audio”? The description alone was enough to turn a patch of my hair blonde.

    (I’m avoiding the “W” word, it’s a tad contentious at the moment)

  11. JBollocks Says:

    Hecklerspray haiku!
    Each line exists by itself.
    So don’t merely cut

    a line in two.

    Bearing that in mind, I called the last winner of Celeb Haiku correctly, and this time I’m picking ME!

    So bring it on!!

  12. sparkymike Says:

    Elizabeth reigns
    Vogue thinks she is glamorous
    (The Braille edition)

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