Celebrity Haiku Competition: Prince William Split

Mondays, eh? You know what Mondays are? The worst thing in the entire universe, that's what - worse even than that time your Games teacher made you touch his magic snake around the back of the bike sheds. And then didn't even apologise when it spat at you.

Well… you, dear reader, are witness to a revolution. Because - following the introduction of hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition - Mondays have now transformed from being absolutely rubbish into being the bestest thing in the whole wide world.

That's right. Each and every week hecklerspray gives you the chance to scribble out an ancient form of Japanese poetry about a topical celebrity story. And who else offers you that?

This week we're looking at romantically-troubled inbred Prince William. But first, let's take a gander at last week's winner…

Last time, we asked you to come up with the best haiku about the fact that Jade Goody was in a spot of career trouble after her racist Celebrity Big Brother antics made her lose all her fans.

The winner was somebody called Schmoo, whose stellar effort read:

Shameless pikey bitch,
Not one fan left in the world.
About fucking time. 

Vicious, heartless and crude - just the way we like 'em. Well done, Schmoo. You win our weekly prize - TWO WHOLE PACKETS OF TASTY SPACE RAIDERS SNACKS. Send us your address, pal, and you could be chomping down on those delicious alien-based crisps within days.

But what about you? Don't you want the chance to win two packets of Space Raiders (the greatest 10p snack in the world, and wholly unsanctioned 'sponsor' of Celebrity Haiku Competition simply because we manage to wolf through eight packets while writing this article every week)? Course you do. And here's how.

Simply write the best haiku on the following topic:

Jug-eared tosspot Prince William has ditched his girlfriend.

Just remember the golden rule of haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An example would read a little somethin' like this:

So the future King

has split up with his girl? We

just could not care less 

Now, we know for a fact you can do better than that. And - if you wanna win those crisps - you're going to have to prove it. Entries in the comments box below, kids.

Read More:

William 'Split From Kate By Phone' - The Royalist

Celebrity Haiku Competition is in no way actually endorsed or affiliated with Space Raiders crisps. But we're going to keep on mentioning them until they send us a free box or something. Think of the free publicity, guys…