Another week, another chance to scribble out an ancient form of Japanese poetry based on a sort-of topical celebrity story. We spoil you, you know that?
That's correct – hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition is here to claim its Monday pride of place. We, like, totally own Mondays. And we totally own you too. How much? This much.
Anyway. None of this nonsense is in any way poetry-related enough for our liking, so let's get down to the nitty-gritty of things. This week we're taking a look at vagina-flashing Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan.
But first let's have a cheeky wee gander at last week's champion…
Seven short and otherwise pointless days ago, we set you the challenge of coming up with the best haiku about Madonna's crazy adoption antics. The winner was someone called Prunes, whose superb effort ran thus:
Madge likes gaining kids
But she already has 3…
Superfluousness
'Superfluousness'? Check out the big brain on Brad! Seriously, though – because we're all very serious people – well done, Prunes. You truly are the king/ queen/ delete as appropriate of internet poetry. This week, anyway.
So. We just bet you're thinking: "how can I get in on the action? How can I be claimed victor of this majestic competition of yours?" Well, peel 'em back. No, not those – your eyes.
This week we'd like you to write haikus about the following topic:
Lindsay Lohan has been busy denying claims that she's a naughty sex addict.
All you have to do to compose your poetry is remember the golden rule of haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. And – because we love you more than a million Christmases – we're going to give you an example:
Lohan a sex addict?
Great … but the Olsen Twins still
get my pervert vote
Think you can do better? Entries in the comments box below, if ye please …
Read More:
Internet Pedant says
“Lohan a sex addict?”
Six syllables, surely? Unless “Lohan” is pronounced in some ridiculous drunken slur… oh yeah, i see now.
Maloney says
Sex With La Lohan?
You and everyone else mate
That includes Herbie
Internet Pedant says
Ginger lust spews forth
“Not I!” squeals the girl with the
absent panties. Tart.
Shiver says
Lindsay or Paris
I wonder which one has more
VD to pass on
Viking Lumberjack says
Who the fuck is this
Lindsey Lohan you speak of?
A sex addict? Yay!
Flack says
Lilo’s response:
“I’m no sex addict.
Can’t we focus on real news?
Look at my cooter!”
Flack says
Lohan bares her crotch.
Walt Disney rolls in his grave,
Prepares for his turn.
Michael Carter says
A fish swims in dreams
But in sunlight it festers
A slut cannot tell
Michael Carter says
Miss Lohan was caught
While coyly flashing her twat
Seductive it’s not
Michael Carter says
You took Monday off
Leaving our haikus unjudged
What the fuck, blog boy