Celebrity Haiku Competition: Johnny Depp’s Sea Shanties

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August 7th, 2006 at 11:30 by C J Davies

Haiku Johnny Depp Sea Shanties album pirates of the caribbeanAh, Monday. The day of the week in which you try to cast off the weekend hangover, wishing in vain that you could magically transfer all your illnesses to someone you hate (a bit like that bloke in the new Irvine Welsh novel).

Still… Monday isn't all bad. Because that's the day when hecklerspray brings you its very own Celebrity Haiku Competition - YOUR chance to write a snappy little poem about a particularly topical celebrity story.

This week our celebrity target is Pirate-portrayin' actorly-type Johnny Depp.

But first let's deal with the small matter of last week's winner.

Last week - in what was our biggest ever haiku response, pointless-statistic fans - we set the challenge: write the best haiku about Mel Gibson and his drink-driving, Jew-hating shenanigans.

The winner was a gentleman named Miles Lott, whose superb ditty ran thus:

Mel Opens His Mouth

Jew this and Sugar Tits that

What A Drunk Bastard

Well done, sir. You've won our special prize - a whole goddamn six-pack of delicious Chewits (or possibly Fruitella, depending on which brand the corner shop stocks). Send us your details and we'll post you your sweeties.

Want to win your own multipack of sweets? Of course you do. And here's how: simply write the best haiku about this week's topic:

Johnny Depp has recorded an album of Sea Shanties to tie in with the next Pirates Of The Caribbean film.

Just remember the golden rule of haiku - five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. An 'example' - based on the above 'story' - would go something like this:

Hollywood Film Star

Records Novelty Album?

What a shit idea

Now, we know for a fact that you can do better than that. Why not prove it by dropping your entry in the comments box below?

Read More:

Depp records Sea Shanties album - Breaking News

[story by C J Davies] 

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19 Responses to “Celebrity Haiku Competition: Johnny Depp’s Sea Shanties”

  1. emily roker Says:

    Johnny Depp’s music?
    We remember Fade In/Out
    That’s enough, captain

  2. Sarah Stonehouse Says:

    Shiver me timbers

    Depp records sea shanties tracks

    Bloody brilliant!

  3. Smoodge the Naked Says:

    Not enough greenbacks
    In mega-blockbuster films?
    Points on crap tie-ins.

  4. Smoodge the Naked Says:

    Don’t care if he was
    Buddies with Hunter Thompson
    Sea shanties suck ass

  5. Smoodge the Naked Says:

    Just what the world needs
    Arrr, Jim, our own CD, yarrrrr
    Johnny Depp, you cunt

  6. Smoodge the Naked Says:

    Johhny Depp stars in
    “The Butt Pirates of Penzance”
    Musical manrape

  7. Lisa O. Says:

    A Pirate Hottie
    Will sing yo-ho sea shanties…
    “Captain” Jack, Savvy?

  8. callie e Says:

    beautiful pirate
    serenade us with your tunes
    and really bad eggs…

  9. sleepy Says:

    Not an entry, but you should get your information right. Johnny is NOT singing in this album. Together with director Gore Verbinski, they got the singers together to record this album. Of course, “slightly” wrong information fits into your littel game.

  10. kitty Says:

    What better
    Than to experience in life
    A mouthful of Depp’s saltiness.

  11. the_goggles_do_nothing Says:

    Captain Jack is back
    this film better be good
    never heard you sing

  12. the_goggles_do_nothing Says:

    Johnny Depp in song
    Maggie Thatcher ina thong
    omg teh yuk

  13. the_goggles_do_nothing Says:

    Johnny Deep cant sing
    bad acting he sure does bring
    lose the beard you freak

  14. the_goggles_do_nothing Says:

    do ray me says Depp
    his acting is quite inept
    you fecking eejit

  15. the_goggles_do_nothing Says:

    I dont want to write
    how johnny’s singing is shite
    cos you already know

  16. the_goggles_do_nothing Says:

    i cant count to five
    or I cant count to seven
    something something Depp

  17. hanna Says:

    i think it will be great coz he is great

  18. Sparrow's Strumpet Says:

    A “Jack” of all trades
    music is where he began
    heart and soul combined

  19. pipo Says:

    depp just won’t shut up
    pretty boy pirate scum
    lick my blackbeard ass

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