Celebrity Haiku Competition: Gay Superman
No-one entered the competition last week.
While this upset us greatly – we thought you were our friends - we've decided to carry on with Celebrity Haiku Competition. Besides… it's our website and we'll do what we want.
Of course, the fact that last week's booty remains unclaimed means that this week's installment is a Rollover Prize! That's right – we now have two whole tubes of delicious, non-brand-specific Fruit Pastilles to give away.
To be in with a chance of winning such sugary goodness, all you have to do is scribble out the winning haiku based around a particular celebrity story.
Last week's target was Paris Hilton… evidently an unpopular choice, what with no-one having anything funny to say about her or just too darn busy masturbating to her homemade porn video to take part.
This week, we're giving you a novel twist. Our celebrity isn't entirely real.
Get your poetry-glands in order, and see if you can write a Haiku about this:
Superman Returns director Bryan Singer is denying that his portrayal of the character makes the Man Of Steel out to be gay.
Superman? A friend of Dorothy? Surely not. The question is… can you capture that sentiment within a Haiku?
Just remember the golden Haiku rule… five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables. Hell – you know what? We're so bloody nice that we're going to give you an example:
The Man from Krypton
May Look Like A Chap-Chaser,
But, Oh No, He's Not
Okay, okay… that was rubbish. You can write a better gay-superman-themed Haiku than that. Prove yourself by placing it in the comment box below…
Read More:
Superman 'Not Gay' Says Director – BBC
[story by C J Davies]
Superman sits and
Thinks about Lex Luthor and
Plays with his pee pee
Hey There Superman
That Kryptonite Smells Funny
Where Did You Put It?
A flowing red cape
Doesn’t necessarily
Mean Supermans gay
This makes you wonder
Whether Supermans a hom
Or whether he’s not
If anyone knows
How not gay Superman is
It is me – his wang
That hairdo is bad
But the man of steel is straight
Maybe Singer’s not…
Clark Kent may be gay
He’s got the tights look going
But fear not, he’s not
Whats wrong with Superman being gay? Batman is gay, Wolverine, Dr. Who. Harry Potter is bi. Lighten folks!
Hey diddle diddle
Red package of great delight
stick it in my bum
or
in a wheel chair sad
our damaged super hero
no bum sex tonight
Skin-tight spandex pants
lets Superman show it off.
“Dig my super-bulge!”
or
Stately Wayne Manor:
Superman at the front door.
“Is Robin at home?”
“Of course, the fact that last week’s BOOTY remains unclaimed means that this week’s installment is a ROLLOVER Prize! That’s right – we now have TWO WHOLE TUBES of delicious, non-brand-specific FRUIT Pastilles to give away.”
That’s fockin’ funny!
Tarts in the oven.
My salami’s dry and hard
Fruit goes “squeak” when rubbed