Oh yes. It's back.
Those of who have been regular hecklerspray readers from the start – and if you haven't, you'd better hightail it down to your local church and beg for the forgiveness of Baby Jesus immediately – will remember this good old weekly feature of yore.
And – by golly – we've decided to bring it back.
Celebrity Haiku Competition takes a superstar-based story from the news and allows you – yes, lucky old you – the chance to write a poem about it.
But that's not all. If we decide that your poem is the best of the bunch, then you win – and win big. That's right, kids… each and every week we have a delicious mouthwatering tube of Fruit Pastilles to give away!
Can you imagine that? Good god – can you? We certainly hope so…
All you have to do to enter is familiarise yourself with the rules of Haiku. Haiku – for those of you don't know – is an ancient form of Japanese poetry. It uses the following rule: a Haiku consists of three lines (five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables).
This week's idiot celebrity is none other than tubby strop-thrower Elton John – a self-obsessed nitwit with the girth of a planet and the charm of a nun-biting cockroach.
The Elton-based story in question? This:
After being hounded by paparazzi at the Cannes Film Festival, Elton John has suggested that all photographers should be shot.
Think you can write a Haiku about Elton John? Course you can! Just remember that golden rule – five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables.
What's that? Want an 'example', do you? Oh, go on, then…
Overweight Pop Star
Wants Celeb-Snappers To Die?
Oh, The Senile Fool
Come on – we know for a fact you can do better than that? Post your entries in the comments box below, hecklerbabes.
And remember – the grand prize-winner could be you.
Keep thinking those Pastille-shaped thoughts…
[story by C J Davies]