Certain things just belong on Mondays. You know… like the crippling sense of worthlessness that hits you whenever you look into the mirror, all too aware of your perma-aging reflection and it's 'will-I-survive?' lottery-rush into another soul-destroying week of your 'life'.
Oh. And hecklerspray's Celebrity Haiku Competition. The trouble is, the member of our team who deals with this regular Monday feature has been otherwise preoccupied moving house. Now that's all done and dusted – and he's found a happy new home directly above Stoke Newington's premier lesbian bar – Celebrity Haiku Competition will return to its regular Monday slot.
As for this week… you'll have to settle for a Tuesday version. Angry with us? Quell those tears of rage and play along anyway. Fans of David Hasselhoff have every reason to celebrate, since today's Celebrity Haiku Competition is all about he. Oh, and last week's winning entry is after the jump, too.
Last week's comp featured the following challenge: to write a Haiku about pop-bint Britney Spears getting all stroppy because some restaurant waiters snapped a couple of covert photographs of her crying.
The winner was a chap named Matt Bregazzi, whose Haiku ran thus:
Miss Britney Weeps And
Shys Away From The Snapper:
Fickle About Fame?
What does Matt win, you ask? The same prize as always: a juicily delicious tube of Fruit Pastilles. That's, like, about twelve chewy sweets. In one handy container. Send us your details, Matt, and we'll post you your confectionery delights.
Want to win your own tube of Fruit Pastilles? By the scented arse of Satan, of course you do! All you have to is write the winning Haiku about this week's subject… Baywatch star David Hasselhoff is the official King Of The Internet, having been discovered by researchers to feature in more emails than any male celebrity on the planet.
Does that stimulate your poetry glands? We bet it does. All you have to do is remember the golden rule of Haiku: five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables.
What's that? An 'example'? Gosh, you are demanding… but here you go…
bigger than Cruise or Clooney
on the web? Why, yes!
Oh, leave it out. That was rushed. You can do better than that, right? Prove it in the comments box below…
[story by C J Davies]