It was a relatively exciting weekend in the Celebrity Big Brother house, although – on the basis of this season's events so far – a badger getting into the Celebrity Big Brother garden and doing a blow-off would probably be the last word in nail-biting thrills.
The Celebrity Big Brother house lost another two housemates on Friday as Leo Sayer realised he'd run of pants, kicked down the door to the Celebrity Big Brother house, said that everything was "bullshit" and told a man roughly 12 times his size and strength to "fuck off," and then Carole Malone got evicted in a slightly less exciting manner. But the Celebrity Big Brother thrills didn't end there; on Saturday Jermaine Jackson put on a funny wig and on Sunday Shilpa didn't really cook a chicken properly – excitement that you just can't buy, we're sure you'll agree.
But it's a brand new week, so who's going to win Celebrity Big Brother? Here are the Celebrity Big Brother betting odds to win – for Jack Tweed, Danielle Lloyd, Jo O'Meara and Jermaine Jackson – with help from Paddy Power…
Jack Tweed – For weeks now, we've wondered what Jack Tweed is for. Throughout Celebrity Big Brother, Jack has sat around in silence, following Jade Goody about like a slightly chavvy lovesick puppy. There must be more to Jack Tweed than that, we thought to ourselves, and at the weekend we discovered that there was. As well as the the silence and occasional hat-wearing, Jack Tweed likes to spunk all over Jade's legs. Now, we're in a bit of a quandary here. Someone as unbelievably pointless as Jack Tweed is bound to get the chop from Celebrity Big Brother soon, but we half wish that he wouldn't, since Jack's Celebrity Big Brother best bits package can only really be made up of footage of him wanking onto Jade's thigh as she grows ever more repulsed, all rendered in horrifying slow motion to a soundtrack of Be Stiff by Devo. And that's something nobody really wants to see. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 50/1
Danielle Lloyd – As we all know, every series of Big Brother needs a slightly cheap-looking stripper type to keep The Sun in "Wooooar, Look At Them Wobbly Boobies" headlines, and this year Danielle Lloyd has been chosen to fill that role. However, that's all fallen to pieces on this year's Celebrity Big Brother for all manner of reasons. Firstly, despite reportedly packing over 18 million bikinis to strut about the Celebrity Big Brother house in, Danielle Lloyd resolutely failed to realise that actually it's January and therefore about as cold as a witch's tit. So now, unable to use her hoo-hahs for votes, Danielle Lloyd has to rely on her fall-back method – her personality. Sadly Danielle Lloyd's personality is a mixture of three parts confused weeping and four parts acting like a hateful cow when she's drunk. And these Celebrity Big Brother betting odds suggest that Danielle really isn't winning anyone over. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 22/1
Jo O'Meara – Over the weekend we saw Jo O'Meara's solo album on sale in HMV for about 32p, and still nobody was buying it. Why? Here's what we think: a) Jo O'Meara was the Gary Barlow of S Club 7 – in that she could sing while the others stood around looking pretty – meaning that not even fans of bad pop hold her close to their hearts, b) Jo herself has admitted that the album was "badly marketed," which probably means that some fool put a picture of her on the front, instantly reminding the buyer that This Is The Solo Album By The Mannish Looking One From That Band That Did Reach and c) even during a series of Celebrity Big Brother that's been characterised by all the interesting housemates walking out of their own accord and leaving the dullards, Jo O'Meara still manages to be utterly utterly anonymous. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 12/1
Jermaine Jackson – According to all the Celebrity Big Brother housemates, Jermaine Jackson has come out of his shell over the last two weeks or so. What's less known is that – now he's out of his shell – Jermaine spends all his time walking about pulling a face that looks like he's being made to breathe in nothing but other people's farts. Which, to some extents, is probably true. As a member of The Jackson 5, Jermaine is used to spending lots of time around his fair share of mental people, but living in close proximity to members of the Goody family seems to have turned him into a nervous wreck. Carole Malone seems to have it on good authority that Jermaine Jackson is planning to walk out of the Celebrity Big Brother house on Wednesday unless things improve and, say, Jade gets exploded by a stray bolt of lightning. And, obviously, Jermaine can't win Celebrity Big Brother if he isn't there. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 10/1
Tomorrow – the second part of our Celebrity Big Brother betting odds to win rundown. But if that's too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Celebrity Big Brother betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.
Carino says
Between wanking on Jade on Friday and doing his Young Frankenstein impression during that Steps song on Saturday, I’m actually starting to develop a soft spot for Jade. I know. Kill me now.
Gilbert Wham says
The best thing that could possibly happen is that Al Quaeda crash a plane into the lot of them.