We'll happily admit that we were a little disappointed by Wednesday's Celebrity Big Brother opener. Aside from a dangerously unwell-looking pensioner singing a song from a 55-year-old musical, there weren't quite as many shocks as we wanted.
We should know better, though – all the Celebrity Big Brother housemates need is time. Where right now you're happy enough watching Shilpa fail to open a suitcase or Leo Sayer spending 20 minutes making his hair look nice and fluffy, in a matter of days we can almost guarantee that Jermaine Jackson and Carole Malone will be tearing chunks of each other's hair out in between slamming each other's heads in the fridge door. At least it better – if these Celebrity Big Brother housemates are still as nauseatingly nice as they seem by the end of the weekend, we'll be wanting our money back. Of course, Jade Goody enters the Celebrity Big Brother house tonight, and that would be enough to turn Mother Teresa into a snarling bad-tempered nutter.
There'll be more odds to win on Monday, but for now let's take an early look at who we think will be booted out of Celebrity Big Brother first – because this is when the housemates' odds will be at their longest and you can make the most money. Ready? Here are the Celebrity Big Brother betting odds for the first eviction, with help from Paddy Power…
Dirk Benedict – Dirk Benedict has hogged the limelight since he entered the Celebrity Big Brother house, by either trying to look clever and deep in front of the girls or – when the girls aren't around – having in-depth competitions with Leo Sayer to see who can be the most bitter about not being famous any more. Despite all this, it looks like Dirk won't be the first to leave Celebrity Big Brother this year. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 33/1
Jo O'Meara – Jo O'Meara's got this whole Celebrity Big Brother thing sussed already, we think. Former members of cheesy pop groups always do well at this kind of thing, and – whether it's intentional or not – Jo's constant "Ooh, I'm so scared" schick can only help her win the public over. However, Jo O'Meara's Celebrity Big Brother VT interview proved that she can be a right moany old pissbag, so she'll have to keep that in check if she doesn't want to remind everyone that they all preferred Tina anyway. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 33/1
Leo Sayer – Leo Sayer. Lovely Leo Sayer. He's so lovely, isn't he, with his funny hair and his squeaky voice and all that relentless positivity. Except he's not like that at all. Just about every time we've watched Celebrity Big Brother Live over the last few days all Leo Sayer has done is complain. Leo wishes it was the 1970s again, you see, when he was famous young and London wasn't so busy and people made records with rubber bands and slabs of wax instead of these new-fangled computers. We get the feeling that Leo is going to annoy the balls off us, but these betting odds say he won't be the first to leave Celebrity Big Brother. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 25/1
Ian H Watkins – We're not sure if you heard, but Ian H Watkins announced that he was gay just before he went into the Celebrity Big Brother house. We were sort of hoping that Ian's Celebrity Big Brother experience would show the nuances of a man slowly coming to terms with who he really is after a decade of lying to his fans but, no, Ian H Watkins is still the same annoying twat he always was, except his hair is a slightly different colour. Don't forget that Steps fans were twats as well, though, and they'll be sure to keep him in Celebrity Big Brother for a while. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 20/1
Cleo Rocos – So far we haven't seen too much of Cleo Rocos on Celebrity Big Brother, apart from when she screamed "I've got pubes on my shoes!" in the Celebrity Big Brother garden. It's also hard to gauge just what Cleo will do with her time in the house. Although she's very keen to point out just how much of an amazingly happy bunny rabbit she is, that's more or less how Traci Bingham started out last year, and look what happened to her. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 16/1
Shilpa Shetty – Shilpa Shetty is easily the most globally famous Celebrity Big Brother housemate this year – even if we still don't really know who she is – and she's obviously taking part on Celebrity Big Brother to become as famous in the UK as she is in India. That's heartbreaking; we've seen what happens to winners of celebrity reality TV shows in this country, and the idea that the most famous actress in India is gunning for a presenting gig on The World's Funniest Home Videos Of Boys Falling Off Swings on ITV2 makes us feel just a little bit sorry for her. Until we remember she got paid £365,000 to stay in a house with Faceman from The A Team, that is. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 10/1
Danielle Lloyd – Perhaps we got Danielle Lloyd wrong; on her Celebrity Big Brother entry tape Danielle gave the impression that she was as dumb as a bag of soot and only interested in shopping and saying the word "Teddy" as many times as she possibly could. However, Danielle Lloyd has been deeply insistent in informing the rest of the Celebrity Big Brother housemates that actually she's not just a pointless beauty queen – she's a bloody scientist. Let's hope Danielle Lloyd stays part of Celebrity Big Brother to finally finish that cure for cancer she's been working on. However, she has seen Ken Russell's cock so we shouldn't be too hard on her. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 8/1
Jermaine Jackson – Reasons why we don't like Jermaine Jackson. 1) He isn't quite as famous as he thinks he is. 2) He genuinely freaks out whenever there's the slightest mess in the Celebrity Big Brother house. 3) He says that Michael Jackson sees everything all the time, implying that he's related to bloody Jesus or something. 4) He talks about his new music like it's something other than the last-ditch vanity project of a cash-hungry opportunist. 5) This is the important one – Jermaine Jackson has a child called Jermajesty. For this alone he must be evicted from Celebrity Big Brother soon. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 13/2
Carol Malone – Carol Malone was booed on her way into the Celebrity Big Brother house because she said that she doesn't like Big Brother, which to Celebrity Big Brother viewers is tantamount to booting Davina McCall's womb in with a pair of radioactive shoes. So now she's been outed as a hypocrite, Carol Malone has an uphill battle to win over the Celebrity Big Brother viewers. She's doing an OK job of it so far, asking enough probing journalistic questions to keep things interesting. Incidentally, Lionel Blair apparently thinks that Carol Malone is a "fucking wanker", which sort of makes us want her to do quite well. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 9/2
Ken Russell – In a fair and just world, Ken Russell will win Celebrity Big Brother, find the secret to eternal life and then become king of England until the world explodes, at which point he'll just float through space doing obscene impressions of Mad Pete forever. But that isn't very likely to happen, because Ken Russell seems to be so outrageously unknown by the bulk of Celebrity Big Brother viewers that he's second-favourite to be the first Celebrity Big Brother evictee. But we won't let that happen – the only thing that will evict Ken Russell from Celebrity Big Brother is death. Death! Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 7/2
Donny Tourette – Now here's a surprise; Donny Tourette – the man who told everyone watching Celebrity Big Brother to "fuck off" before throwing his suitcase away and then, er, running off to get it again and flicking a million shame-faced v signs to make up for it – is the favourite to be evicted from Celebrity Big Brother first. Fair's fair, though, Donny couldn't have made a worse entrance to Celebrity Big Brother if he'd have read passages from The Protocols Of The Learned Elders Of Zion while dressed up as Rudolph Hess, pausing only to force handfuls of circumcised foreskins into Jo O'Meara's mouth. Current Celebrity Big Brother betting odds – 7/4
On Monday we'll take a look at the Celebrity Big Brother betting odds to win after the housemates have had all weekend to realise how much they dislike each other. But if that's too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Celebrity Big Brother betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.
Vince says
Watching Big Brother Live on E4 last night (yeah I know, I’m sorry) Donny actually seemed to be sober and fairly intelligent. Maybe all that first night stuff was just an act. That S Club 7 bint, though… you’re right. Moany old pissbag through and through
shahed says
how can chanel foue let this happen, its pure raciest and bullying
the three musk a tear cant take it, someone 10 yrs older than them are preety than them.