Carrie “Von Sucks” Underwood Shines in Totally Crappy Sound of Music Remake

Share this:

The Sound of Music - Season 2013

Some classics should never be remade.  Gone With The Wind.  Dirty Dancing.  Striptease.  You cannot improve on perfection, and Hollywood needs to stop trying making shitty ass remakes of everything.  Bigger budgets and fancy technology does not override shitty actors and emotionless actresses.

This week, Carrie Underwood starred in the epic failure that was a remake of The Sound of Music.  Underwood obviously pissed someone off, because not only was she set up for failure just by being cast, but they decided to make the whole thing live.  That probably didn’t much make of a difference to the outcome though, since Photoshop can only make you thinner, not more talented.When news broke that a new version of the Broadway musical turned classic film was being made, people tilted their head to the side and asked “Are you for real?”  When it came out that Carrie Underwood was cast as the lead, Maria, people flat out said “No fucking way.” Even the actual Von Trapp family came out and said “Helllll no” to this.  No one expected it to be anything other than a total bomb, and Underwood didn’t disappoint.

Look, Carrie is a pretty decent singer.  Her voice is not the issue.  Her absolutely lack of any sort of acting talent is.  Carrie is a raging bitch in real life, and no matter how many sweet smiles she tries to give, or  how much she tries to play up the nice country girl shtick , we all know she is a raging bitch.

Why?  Because Kindergarteners pretending to be dinosaurs are more convincing at role playing than Underwood could ever hope to be.  Underwood just wasn’t able to become the original Brad Pitt in this love triangle set in the key of c.

Of course, it didn’t help that a vast majority of the cast were well trained award winning Broadway stars.  Underwood’s twang (which was very appropriate for an Austrian woman in the 1930s) and pop-y voice just made it even more painfully obvious how poorly cast she was.  Audra McDonald is THE SHIT.  You cannot get up there next to her and think yodeling a run will even be near McDonald’s level.

Own that shit, Audra!

Oh, and don’t think Stephen Moyer, aka the none Aryan vampire dude from True Blood, is getting off scot free either.  I think someone forgot to turn his walking dead face off or else dude should have taken some Miralax before the show because his face was just look constipated.

I guess he could have been reacting to all the shit he was surrounded by, but since he really didn’t bring much to table, he has to sit in the corner right alongside Carrie.  Plus, the two had about as much chemistry as Kimye, making the whole ordeal even more unrealistic.

As much as everyone wants to rag on this shit, the joke is kind of on us because 18.5 million dumbass fuckers watched it.  Even if you watched it just to make total fun of it (Why, hello!), you still did exactly what the producers of this wanted.

They all made an assload of money, and you know Underwood is taking all the jokes in stride while bitch watches her bank account just get unnecessarily bigger and bigger.

You all know Julie Andrews was sitting home, laughing her pristine well mannered ass off, too.  She probably added her name to Google Alerts just so she could see the thousands of people talking about how much better Andrews was in this, and the inevitable few dozen “Julie would rolling over in her grave if she could see this!” comments from the dumbasses of the world.   But Julie don’t care!

"I'm rich bitchhhhh!"

“I’m rich bitchhhhh!”

 

Headline Name: Email: subscribed: 0 We respect your privacy Email Marketingby GetResponse

Comments

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>