Ignore what you've seen on that advert where a man somehow drives a pub table into a girl and then starts crying – drink driving is really cool. It's true – even Caprice is apparently at it.
Fuzzy-aged knicker-wearer and failed popstar Caprice was arrested last year in London for being one and a half times over the legal alcohol limit. Only Caprice wasn't drunk, her lawyers are now saying in court – instead, Caprice was merely on a course of cystitis medication. Oh yeah, and she's got really filthy minging stink-breath, too.
We're starting to get the impression that drink driving is the new must-have for celebrities this season. Michelle Rodriguez from Lost was arrested recently for drink driving, after the kid from The Sixth Sense crashed his car police arrested him for drink driving and marijuana possession, and then there's Mel Gibson, who's only the king of all drink driving isn't he, Sugar Tits?
However, you know that a fad has stopped being cool when semi-famous no-listers like Caprice apparently get in on the act, don't you? Yes, we know that Caprice was arrested for drink driving nine months ago – way before this current drink driving trend happened – but, hey, it's fun to blame Caprice for stuff. Oh, you know who Caprice is – she's famous for being a bit old, only ever wearing underwear and attempting to become genuinely famous seven years ago with her number 24 smash hit single Oh Yeah. The BBC reports:
Caprice, real name Caprice Bourret, was arrested on 10 December last year in Tottenham Court Road, central London. The model, 34, has admitted drinking but blames the incident on drugs she was taking for a urinary infection, Highbury Magistrates' Court heard… Ms Bourret was found to be one-and-a-half times the legal drink-drive limit, with 52 micrograms of alcohol in 35 millilitres of breath, after officers carried out a breath test. She had admitted drinking a bottle and a half of red wine at lunch and several glasses at an evening party in the hours before the incident.
So Caprice admitted drinking a lot before she was arrested, and then a breath test confirmed that she was over the limit. However, this is far from a cut and dry case, as Caprice's lawyer Nick Freeman argues. As well as blaming Caprice's condition on Cipro, a medicine she was taking to cure a urinary infection, he has now come up with another reason why Caprice shouldn't be banned from driving for a year:
"She had had a lot to drink. I would not concede on her behalf that she was too drunk to remember. There is a total absence of any suggestion of intoxication in this case. Nobody is suggesting that she was displaying any symptoms at all other than alcohol halitosis."
See? All Caprice was suffering from was a nasty case of alco-stink on her breath. And if the thought of Caprice breathing hot, putrid boozy air in your face like a drunken aunt at a wedding doesn't put the eight or nine 14-year-old boys still aware of Caprice enough to have sexual fantasies about her off having sex with girls for the rest of their lives, there's no hope for any of us.
Read more:
Caprice had 'alcohol halitosis' – BBC
[story by Stuart Heritage]