Like any ridiculous ancient city that probably never existed, Machu Picchu has many laws established for its people to follow. And since Machu Picchu's residents are all either dead or pretend in the first place, the city's laws fall upon all those who visit it.
Generally the Machu Picchuian laws are simple, like decapitate all those who are weaker than you, and pierce everything. Then there are the lesser-known city laws, like don't ever carry anything Chinese-made within its city walls.
This seemingly racist law was written when China squelched the hopes of a Peruvian World Cup title in 7000 BC. Now we know what you're thinking – 9007 years is an awfully long time to hold a grudge – and we agree with you. But alas, it's still up to us to know and willingly follow the rules of all cities, no matter how dead or fake they are. Cameron Diaz would do good to remember this. She recently screwed the Peruvian pooch.
We didn't mean it quite like that.
Cameron Diaz recently found employment with Canada, and used said employment to slam the culture and values of every Incan who ever lived down in the chipped stone street. Now with an intro like that you're probably thinking she let millions of people look at her televised breast again, but no, it wasn't that. Now maybe you're thinking she and Justin Timberlake chased down a Peruvian photog and almost killed him, but no, it wasn't that either.
No, this offence was far worse than both of those, because it involved a very pretty handbag. Said bag had a Chinese slogan on it – 'Serve the People,' a comment that somehow mocks the deaths of some 70,000 Peruvians.
As it were, 'Serve The People' was a favourite slogan of pro-communist leader Mao Zedong – a people power aficionado. The ol' hammer and sickle – along with everything they represent – lead to a bloody pro-commie uprising in Peru during the eighties and early nineties. Diaz's bag may have just re-instigated the madness. She even had to apologise:
"I sincerely apologise to anyone I may have inadvertently offended. The bag was a purchase I made as a tourist in China and I did not realise the potentially hurtful nature of the slogan printed on it."
Sorry Diaz? Sorry? Your purse just crushed a comfortable night's sleep for dozens of Peruvians and all you can say is sorry? Well sorry's not gonna bring back the once mighty Incan empire your bag helped callously exterminate to death, now is it? We thought not.
Actually we take it back. Accessory-forgiveness is second nature down there – just ask our ankle socks.
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