It’s finally happened, folks. Bruce Jenner has grabbed what’s left of his balls from Kris Jenner’s withered talons and escaped the Kardashian circus for good.
Sources are saying that this will be Bruce’s final season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians before Kris sends him to live on the special farm that all the Kardashian men are sent to live on after they’ve outstayed their welcome. Think about it, when was the last time someone heard from Damon Thomas?
The family – or the deck of Kards, as I once saw a commenter refer to them as – are currently filming the final part of the current season, and then E! will decide whether they want to pick up their limping cash cow for another season.
However, rumours are pretty rampant that even if the show does come back once more like a hideous rash that was the result of too many tequilas and some bad choices, Bruce will not be on board.
Is it just me or does Kylie Jenner have that exact same hairdo? Anyway. Bruce is apparently reluctant to film any scenes for the show as it is and pretty much refuses to film any scene that he has to leave his house in Malibu for. We’ve all had those days where it’s just too much effort to leave your multi-million dollar beach mansion so that a camera crew can follow you about your daily business and pay you ridiculous amounts of cash for the privilege.
Bruce reportedly wants nothing to do with Hollywood anymore and is going to spend his time golfing, flying model helicopters, and hanging out with all the kids that were deemed too ugly for TV. It’s nice that he finally has time in his hectic schedule for that. Sources are saying that Bruce suddenly remembered he had like four spare kids that he can use as meal tickets now the younger ones aren’t interested in him anymore and it’s a lot less effort than turning up to colleges and rambling about a gold medal he won in the seventies.
Of course, all those ‘inspirational speeches’ he does can’t keep him in face-lifts and ombre hair for long, so if anyone knows of a gap in the market for a Mickey Rourke impersonator then hook him up. Maybe there’s a kid’s birthday party you want to ruin?