You know at the end of that 1999 Godzilla remake how even though the monster was dead, it still left big, green eggs all the heck over the place?
Well Matthew Broderick‘s character was probably all “Oh eff! What the effing eff!” But it ended up he needn’t have worried because the film flopped, graciously preventing a tired-already franchise from getting off the ground.
The thing is – it appears he may have stopped worrying too soon about little lizard babies. Because his possibly-reptilian wife’s southern regions are about to be torn asunder with twins.
Now when we say Sarah Jessica Parker‘s southern parts are about to turn on their conveyor belts, we’re of course not really talking about her conveyor belts. No – the scenario we’re trying to depict for you is more of a womb-rental type situation. That’s because the Broderick-Parker twins are going to fester somewhere inside of a non-blood relative for the entire nine month gestation period. That’s what you can do when you have money – We hear the rich can order these human-incubators out of the back of high-end magazines.
Generally on the same page as the semi-expensive Sea Monkeys.
In Parker’s defence though , she’s not renting a womb to be fashionable, she’s doing it because all the internals north of her vagina are dusty, dry and probably look like a place Indiana Jones might search for Incan gold.
That’s actually not a bad idea. Somebody should flesh that out into a script, and don’t give too much away in the beginning.
Really though – Parker is 44 years old. That’s why she and her hubby have had to look elsewhere for lush and viable ovaries. Entertainment Weekly has a few more details:
“Sarah Jessica Parker, 44, and Matthew Broderick, 47, are expecting twin girls via a surrogate. In a statement, their reps announced, “Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are happily anticipating the birth of their twin daughters later this summer with the generous help of a surrogate. The entire family is overjoyed.””
News of the surrogate comes none too soon for fans who worried a Carrie Bradshaw gorged with two human beings she hadn’t physically eaten might look ridiculous pretending she’s still a high class prostitute. Seriously – that is one thing successful Asian businessmen simply will not pay for. Because it’s disgusting. Still – it could probably be awkwardly worked into the Sex in the City sequel.
Maybe we should take a moment to say that although we’ve never actually seen the show that made Parker a star, we’ve heard it’s viewing has done wonders the world-over. For instance, the airing of its pilot episode in Zimbabwe was the instigator in that region for giving women the right to vote, drive and have eyes that are extraordinarily close together.
Commendable, if you think about it.
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