Last night, just about the biggest thing in the world happened – Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake reunited for Madonna.

It. Was. Incredible. In front a crowd of thousands at Madonna’s Dodger Stadium concert, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake not only performed onstage together but – after three seconds in each other’s company – fell hopelessly in love again, instantly curing Britney of all her mental problems in the process.

Or Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake both avoided each other as much as humanly possible backstage, crawled onstage separately for one brief duet with Madonna each and then hightailed out of the stadium the moment they were done so they wouldn’t have to spend a second longer in the vicinity of each other than they had to. Still, anything that takes people’s minds off Madonna’s grotty undercrackers, eh?

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were so right for each other, weren’t they? If only they’d stuck together the world would have been spared so much heartache.

Imagine – Britney Spears wouldn’t have married Kevin Federline or had any of his children, so she’d have never had that breakdown where she locked one of the kids in a bathroom until she was taken to a psychiatric hospital and diagnosed as Gravely Disabled. Justin Timberlake would have literally stopped Britney Spears from going mad.

And, on the other hand, if Britney stuck with him, Justin Timberlake would have never made that Cry Me A River video, which was a bit shit. Everyone’s a winner.

So when it was announced yesterday that Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were reuniting for a Madonna Concert in Los Angeles last night, the world collectively gasped a little. Could they? Would they? Would we be seeing Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears bury the hatchet and perform together? Wouldn’t that be like the pop version of the Berlin Wall coming down? Wouldn’t it?

Well, yes, if you’re an idiot we suppose it would. Instead, though, E! Online reports what actually happened:

Spears, clad in black pants, a white tuxedo-style shirt and black heels, shared the spotlight with Madonna on “Human Nature”… Meanwhile, Madge’s erstwhile makeout partner skedaddled from the stage long before Timberlake appeared to duet with the belle of the ball on their Hard Candy tune “4 Minutes.” We hear that Spears, surrounded by bodyguards, immediately took off following Timberlake’s appearance.

So, OK, the big reunion that Ryan Seacrest was carping on about like a madman was a bit of a letdown. But at least it wasn’t all disappointment for Madonna’s audience – sure, the fabled Spears/ Timberlake performance didn’t materialise, but at least there were plenty of technical and lighting difficulties on the night.

So whatever else did or didn’t happen, at least they weren’t treated to constant Jumbotron images of Madonna’s grisly old genitals grinding up and down a microphone stand like footage from an old illegal 1950s documentary about meat production. Audience wins again!