Were you worried that this Britney Spears hit and run trial was going to run so smoothly that it wouldn’t make a mockery of just about everything?
You were? Well relax. This is Britney Spears we’re talking about – a woman who’d have trouble boiling an egg without ending up in a mental hospital because she’d had a hysterical breakdown and attempted to dip one of her own son’s ankles into the water halfway through – so of course it hasn’t gone smoothly.
In fact, the Britney Spears hit and run trial has managed to foul itself right up, with the jury completely unable to decide if Britney is guilty or not after four separate votes. Oh, if only Britney Spears’ was charged with being the adorably kooky queen of American pop, it’d be much easier to reach a unanimous guilty verdict. In fact, she’d be so guilty that we’d probably have to sentence her to the electric chair. That sweet, sweet electric chair.
Do you own some tenterhooks? Well if you do, this Britney Spears hit and run trial probably has you on them – it’s literally the most nail-biting trial about a celebrity doing something so pathetically minor that nobody even noticed it when it happened so long ago that everyone’s forgotten that it even happened ever.
To refresh your memory, last year – when Britney Spears was still in her bald-headed weepy phase – Britney allegedly knocked into a car when she was parking her car and walked away, only for the police to discover that she didn’t even have a valid California driving license anyway. And last week it finally went to trial.
Over the course of the trial we heard all the arguments – the defence’s argument that Britney Spears didn’t need a California driving license because she didn’t live in California, and the prosecution’s argument that, yes, actually she did live in California and that she definitely did the hit and run because there were about 150 paparazzi who filmed her do it – and on Friday the trial went to jury.
It was a simple enough request – go away, think about what happened and reach a unanimous decision. It didn’t even matter one way or the other, because even if she was found guilty Britney Spears would most likely be hit with a tiny fine and everything would be forgotten about instantly leaving her to concentrate on her ongoing comeback – but it’s all turned into a bit of an embarrassing failure, because the jurors can’t make their minds up. AP reports:
Jurors left for the day after saying earlier that they were hopelessly deadlocked. A foreman said they had voted three times since Friday, and each time failed to reach an unanimous conclusion. The three votes were all 10 to 2, the foreman said. The jurors appeared glum after lunch, with many on the panel telling Superior Court Judge James A. Steele that they didn’t think an agreement could be reached.
So that’s two days of deliberation and they still can’t decide. That’s longer than it took a jury to send OJ Simpson to jail for the rest of his life. Maybe the jurors need some more persuading – can someone please go and stand outside the jury room window playing Womanizer on a loop at full volume? We get the feeling that it’d only take three spins for everyone to reach a unanimous verdict.
True, it’ll probably make all the jurors mentally ill for the rest of their lives, but a little thing like that shouldn’t stand in the way of justice.