Britney Spears is a lovable bundle of hair naps and cola spills. She spent the first five years of her career dressed like a self-medicated footie mum.
Now that she actually is a self-medicated fottie mum she reverts to dressing like a tween in arrested development.
The singer can do a pretty good impression of someone who is semi sexually alluring – although she’s usually dressed in nothing but stockings and a feather boa at the time. Mother of two, and owner of many an own-brand box of hair dye, Britney has admitted what we all figured out some time ago; she’s not sexy.
Her look can be succinctly defined in only three words; weave, braless, spills. Not that any of those words are supposed to form full sentences or make any sense on their own, you understand. Let us elaborate. Britney has a magical weave that has been cursed by wizards to change colour more often than she changes her trailer trash outfits. The multitude of animals living in the matted nest atop her head can only be matched by the grease-guzzling hoards found roaming amongst Robert Pattinson‘s grease-soaked tendrils.
More disturbing is that Britney hasn’t worn a bra in, um, forever. That is unless her stage outfit requires her to wear little more than that – and some strategically-placed glitter – in place of a whole shirt. Her propensity to allow her nipples to swing low is only outdone by the fact that the sliver of material protecting them is covered in spills.
What’s that you say? “She’s a mother of two toddlers, so of course she has spills.” Ah, well, ok. Ever noticed that she spilled before she had children. Also, she never seemed to have her babies with her when she was covered in gunk? Let’s not blame her children’s presumably superior hand-eye coordination for this one.
Moving on. We are treated, for the first time, to Britney admitting she’s luke warm rather than the hotness she passed for last decade. In an interview chewed up and spat out by The Sun she says she doesn’t think she deserves to be held up as a sex symbol. We concur.
From The Sun:
“I don’t see myself [as sexy] at all. I don’t know why,” she said. “To me, someone who is sexy is someone with confidence, who carries themselves properly and is comfortable in their own skin. It’s very flattering but at the same time I think it’s sexier when you don’t try and you’re just yourself. We all like to feel sexy.” [She told Look magazine.]? “I always strive for things to be better. I think you can be happy with the person on the inside but on the outside you’re always striving for more. But that’s how you end up driving yourself crazy.”
This was a guest blog by Amy Grindhouse, who is ten types of wonderful
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NY says
That interview never happened:her official web denied it,so get your facts right.
And,just so u know,millions of people think she’s,indeed,sexy as hell.
Eugene says
I never knew hell was sexy. What did you expect from a Britney fan?
I could probably think of a celebrity less sexy than Britney — although I must confess that no one immediately comes to mind.
Steamy the Green Mugato says
I’m sure she doesn’t feel sexy, considering every picture of her has been photoshopped within an inch of its life, sometimes using as many a six different models to get the required “Britneyosity.” In the same vein, her songs are the product of a team of producers, Auto-Tune, Pro Tools, and myriad backup performers, forcing her to mime her concerts. I’m certain it’s impossible for her to live up to the expectations that were set for her in her younger days. How can a young woman possible live up to fiction?
Sunny says
That last sentence key to what must have happened to her driving her decision to shave off her hair! Perhaps she was having one of those bad hair days and decided to just redo it all; the hair was driving her crazy. THAT must have been it.
Carina says
What is a fottie mum?
roger says
Wow, how much you hate Britney that you actually spent your time getting paid to trash her, which would have been better spent in something else. Just because you don’t think she’s sexy doesn’t mean that the rest of the world thinks so. She’s sexier than the average people that walk around in this planet. It would be fun to actually put a picture of yourself and then put it right next to her, and then we will see who’s sexier.
Amy Grindhouse says
@ Carina Fair question, I took it upon myself to Anglicise the phrase “Soccer mom”.
Manuel says
well said! hehe
Britney rules u bitchezzZ!
Sal says
Shouldn’t it be spelled ‘footy’ you know, foot with a y on the end?
Amy Grindhouse says
Hi, I Googled “footie” and that seemed the better choice over the “y” ending.
A.j. says
What a waste of my time!!! This article is sooooo dumb!!!! So, all you haters just come and commiserate amongst yourselves!!!!!
JoeMomma says
@Roger
Wow, how much you love Britney that you actually spent your time rather than getting paid at a job to praise her, which would have been better spent in something else. Just because you think she
Kitsune says
Actually it wasn’t well said at all. His first sentence alone doesn’t even make grammatical sense. “Wow, how much you hate britney that you…” He claims we are all walking around INSIDE the planet (apparently a fan of the hollow earth theory.) And then suggests placing a picture of the author of the article next to Britney Spears in person. One would think placing photo’s of each person next to each other would be far easier to do then to actually try and place a photograph next to Britney. Not to mention the size of the picture you would need to be able to descern acurately the differences between the two. But in the end it was Britney herself, as quoted in the article, that said she wasn’t sexy. So the author of the article is only agreeing with the person your trying to defend. Perhaps you didn’t read the article. Or perhaps when Britney was quoted as saying she was not sexy your mind blew up in thousands of little pieces and when you put it back together you had some parts left over, and maybe those parts were the memory of having read the quotation in the article. I will assume that as you seem to think that Britney is your ruler and you obviously forgot how to spell “bitch” and deffinately forgot how to spell “bitch’s.” yeah i’ll assume your brain exploded.
wooooo says
what you’ve said here is completely un-necessary. i understand you may have a different opinion to mine about britney but the stuff you have wrote is un-fair and what i’d class as cruel.