Let’s all buy stupid hats and pretend we’re welcome at a wedding that we’re clearly not invited to, Cilla Black style, as we pretend to give a shit that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are to tie the knot in a Hindu ceremony! Woooo!
It’s a popular option at the moment, as Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s nuptials were Hindu inspired.
Of course, Hindu ceremonies are brilliant for celebrities. Just ask Mick Jagger who passed his whole wedding to Jerry Hall off as a sham when they split up and she decided that perhaps he might like to give her some of his ill-gotten riches.
Anyway, back to Brangelina (or whatever people call them. We prefer ‘Jitt’ because it sounds a bit like ‘jizz’) who are apparently tying an imaginary knot early next year.
The pair are going to be all groovy and shit at a remote temple in Rajasthan. Apparently, they follow the temple’s spiritual guru, Ram Lal Siyag, who has given them yoga lessons for yonks.
A source reckons that the guru has…
“transformed their relationship. They no longer argue.”
Where’s the fun in that? Seriously. Imagine the explosive and weird rutting shags you could get from Angelina Jolie during some make-up sex.
That’s assuming she’s still a bit kooky and kinky and not some hideous Earth Mother who is trying to fix the world’s problems by meekly looking up at poor people with those huge, famous eyes of hers.
So, aside from being devastatingly attractive, how do you snare Brad Pitt?
Apparently, Jolie has spent ?250,000 on a ring. No, that’s not some anal equivalent of ‘vajazzling’, but rather, she’s bought a massive ring which sounds cloyingly sweet.
Again, a source says:
“The band has each of their children?s names on it and Angie's on the top.”
If they get any more children from Africa, it’ll look more like a gauntlet, which of course, is fucking stupid. Still, excellent for punching yourself into a coma if your new wife decides she wants to drone on endlessly about her chosen plight for the week.
HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE AND ALL THAT!
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Greg says
Spraying Bull —- as usual.
dave says
Yeah, what Greg said, spraying bull as usual. Goshdarnit guys don’t you know celebrity gossip is a serious business to people? There is no room for your sense of humour or wanton hoo-hoo-nanny, we just want the facts!! ARE THEY GETTING MARRIED OR NOT??? Me and Greg are just dying to know….