Are you impossibly rich? Do you have a legitimately irrational infatuation with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie?
Do you like shiny things? Are you a little bit dim? You are? That’s brilliant! We’ve got some wonderful news for you – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have designed their own range of gold and silver jewellery and accessories that’s about to go on sale at high-end jewellery stores in London, Los Angeles, New York, Tokyo and Dubai.
Not to be outdone, Jennifer Aniston has reportedly decided to make a swan out of some scrunched-up tinfoil, and she’ll be selling it from the boot of her car outside an abandoned fairground at 2am on Thursday. That’s right, Jennifer! That’ll show her!
You can tell how famous someone is by what they do in their free time. Do they star in television commercials? Then they’re not really that famous. Do they star in television commercials that are only broadcast in Japan? Then they’re a little more famous. Do they have their own perfume? Then they’re a little more famous than that. Do they spend most of their free time scouting third world countries for vulnerable-looking babies to steal? Then they must be top-rate celebrities.
But what if they’ve also got their own range of serpent-themed jewellery? Well, then they’re either a) obviously on the wane and desperately scrabbling around for their own guest spot on the QVC Affordable Sparkles hour or b) Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
That’s right – now Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie can add jewellery design to their expanding portfolio of skills that already includes urban renewal, humanitarian work, adoption and starring in a long line of films that aren’t quite as good as you’d expect them to be. We’ll let People fill in the details:
The power couple has teamed with a top British jeweler to come up with a series of designs for everything from earrings, pendants, bangles, rings to a silver spoon and egg cup.? For Jolie, 34, the inspiration for the collection was obvious. While she was expecting Shiloh, she was given a special gift ? a protective snake ring… Jolie has come to view the motif as something of a family guardian.
Oh good, because snakes are so famous for protecting people, aren’t they? Not biting people or strangling them or pumping them full of so much poison that they stop breathing or dislocating their jaws and swallowing them whole or anything like that. Honestly, snakes are rubbish at protecting people. Unless you’re being attacked by a mongoose, of course, but even then there’s a fighting chance that the snake and the mongoose would just gang up and double-team you to death. Snakes are bastards.
Anyway, we can’t be too rude about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s jewellery line because all proceeds will go to the Education Partnership for Children of Conflict. Honestly, we can’t imagine how much better would the world be if more people drew a picture of a teaspoon with a poxy snake hanging off it and then charged idiots $525 to buy one of them.
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Sunny says
I really can’t go find Aniston and purchase that foil origami swan then? Dammit.
mactheknife says
“snakes are bastards.” is the line of piece. Thank you.
just sayin says
?????stupid woman. everyone knows Satangelinas a poisionous snake-in-the-grass….why bother with the advertising?
jan says
old designs ripped off from the 70 really do the two have an orignal idea between the two of them. these designs look tacky and cheap and they are really not worth 20 dollars. why don’t they use their own money for charity instead of being to cheap and spending other peoples money because they need to buy houses,jets bikes and cars.
AthenLuna says
Bwaaa haaa haaa haa!
****Oh good, because snakes are so famous for protecting people, aren
viewer says
They chose the right image to design. Do remember Branglina whenever you see a pair of snakes and whenever you see snakes , do remember Brangelina !
pattie bee says
snakes. how appropriate! :)