Remember when the James Bond films were required viewing every Bank Holiday, he drove awesome cars and had a digital watch that could shoot lasers? And you were 10 years old and everything was completely brilliant?
Then you remember Roger Moore.
Well he's back, and targeting ?. erm. Pate and stuff.
Pierce Brosnan is, we imagine, furious that his news thunder may have been stolen by Moore, what with him soon reappearing on the telly in what sounds like a rubbish version of the Rockford Files.
Which is NOTHING compared to taking-on a SHOP. And WINNING.
Like Roger Moore has.
That's because Brosnan?s Bond was always Moore Lite. And whilst exec-producing and co-starring in some new telly ?tec show – as reported today – it's nothing compared to bringing a SHOP to it's knees with nothing more than a raised eyebrow.
Yeah. You heard us. A SHOP. He fettled SMERSH ages ago. They had to make up a new organisation for Daniel Criag.? Who just looks puzzled by it.
Yes, as a representative of PETA, Moore has convinced Harvey Nics to stop stocking foie gras. Reports that he did this whilst flying a small aeroplane that was hidden in the back of a horses? arse like in Octopussy are unconfirmed.
Following what we like to believe was the sound of a Walther PPK safety-catch being released, Moore stated
?I will now be turning my attention to a little shop in Piccadilly called Fortnum & Mason, which PETA informs me is resistant to appeals for compassion?
How ?Bond? is THAT? It's like when he casually ?offed? Blofeld in the first couple of minutes of ?Live and Let Die?.
Look over your shoulder the next time you're in Waitrose. That's all we're saying.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!
kimsnarks says
I’m going to out myself as a total geek loser on this one, but Bond puts Blofeld down the smokestack in For Your Eyes Only. Or you could be thinking of the time he drowned a fake Blofeld in a vat of mud at the beginning of Diamonds are Forever.
Still, I’m a big fat loser for pointing that out, but I just couldn’t stop myself!