There is some terrible music out there, we know as we’ve heard it. In fact, we’d go as far as to say most anytime you turn on the radio, you’re tuning into a major suck-fest. Though that may sound enticing to the likes of Kid Rock and Scott Stapp, those who know we’re talking about hearing bad music and not whipping out our tiny chonkers for misguided groupies to mock sing into, are as distressed by the situation as we are.
For instance: James Blunt would make a better librarian, Hip Hop‘s become tedious and My Chemical Romance makes us want to permanently seal up our ears with fresh epoxy and a red hot iron. We are not alone in our musical disappointments. Bon Jovi is right there with us, clawing away at a band he can’t stand.
And boy oh boy, does he ever claw at it.
Bon Jovi (CDs) hates The Darkness. He’s come out and said as
much. He must really hate them too, as he went so far as to use the
‘F’ word. Children leave the room:
"I hate The Darkness. Fucking hate
’em. I don’t understand it. I know they are huge (in Britain), but I
never really got it. It is just Spinal Tap isn’t it? It is just a lark.
I am not sure they think so, though. I think they take it seriously.
They made a little splash in the US but, man… I don’t get it at all."
Bon Jovi, ironically in this case has written/performed such aural atrocities as: Runaway,
She Don’t Know Me, In and Out of Love, The Hardest Part Is the Night,
Only Lonely, Silent Night, You Give Love a Bad Name, Wanted Dead or
Alive, Livin’ On a Prayer, Never Say Goodbye, Bad Medicine, Born to Be
My Baby, I’ll Be There for You, Lay Your Hands on Me, Living In Sin,
Keep the Faith, Bed of Roses, In These Arms, I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead,
I Believe, Dry County, Always, Someday I’ll Be Saturday Night, Please
Come Home for Christmas, This Ain’t a Love Song, Something for the
Pain, Lie to Me, These Days, Real Life, It’s My Life, Say It Isn’t So,
Thank You for Loving Me, One Wild Night, Everyday, Misunderstood, All
About Lovin’ You, Bounce, Have A Nice Day, Who Says You Can’t Go Home,
Welcome To Wherever You Are, and the craptacular I Want To Be Loved,
leaving him in no position to point that finger. That last song gave
two of our guys the squirts for a day and a half. They had it on while
they were eating an entire vine of sour grapes, and did they ever pay
Maybe Jon hates The Darkness because they’re treading in his archaic
eighties rock territory. They came out and instantly had that sound,
where he’s had to concentrate excruciatingly hard to have his music not
change one iota since 1984. That hardly seems fair now, does it?
Maybe there’s something more deep rooted causing the disgust. Maybe
it’s because The Darkness put a helpless squid in space for a video,
and Jon Bon wants to see better treatment of tentacled man-grabbing
monsters. Maybe he’s got a natural prejudice against frontmen who
allegedly fluff their manes in the back room down at The Hair Club For Men, or perhaps it’s because Hawkins‘ enormous nipples look too much like two thick slices off of a Pizza Hut pepperoni log.
Yeah, it’s probably that one.
[Story by Shawn Lindseth]