The Eurovision has been and gone, with an immediately forgettable song from Azerbaijan winning, leaving the controller of AzTV absolutely shitting his pants at the prospect of hosting one of the most prestigious shows in the calendar.
More forgettable that the winning song… which was called… uh… um… whatever it was, is ‘I Can’ by Blue which, in hindsight, should have been called ‘We Won’t’.
Of course, the collective egos in Blue won’t be able to process what happened on the night. They’re still wrapped in their little bubble that tells them that, if they hit a high note or two and flash some pectoral muscles, they’ll be met with unswerving praise, like they’ve just found the cure for every illness in history. Alas, they finished mid-table and are now filed under ‘flop’.
Blue managed to create the world’s first tug o’war that saw neither party wanting them, leaving their song acting as the loose rope, limping dangling between two groups, both yelling “NO! WE HATE THEM MORE!” And while hecklerspray desperately wanted a scoreless performance from the lads, we’re actually rather pleased Lee Ryan & Co finished in middling nowhere.
Everyone remembers Gemini. Hopefully everyone will forget Blue even existed in the first place.
Naturally, this doesn’t make any sense to the members of Blue so they’re sticking with the line, presumably fed to them by a personal assistant who can’t wait to see the back of them, that they have been victims of political voting.
Simon Webbe said:
?It is often not really about the song but who your neighbours are. But we are proud of what we did.?
So proud that, reportedly, Duncan, Lee and Simon stayed up until 6am being really classy and knocking back endless Jaegerbombs like they were students. Token stolen police cone, Antony Costa, was so disappointed that he went straight to bed before planning which cashpoints he’d urinate on in the morning.
Sadly, we suspect this isn’t the last we’ve heard of these horrible, preening gits.
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Sophie says
I didn’t think it was possible for Lee Ryan to become anymore annoying than he already is (doesn’t he look dead smarmy?) but then he opens his mouth and that ridiculous girly whine comes out.. big bit creepy.
harry says
shit article