As many of you know by now, former Kardashian bff/Tyga’s ex-fiancee/Tyga’s babymama/Amber Rose’s bestie/Kylie Jenner hater, Blac Chyna, has been dating the new fat Kardashian (Khloe lost the weight), Rob, since January, which had a lot of people shouting “Yas Queen! You are Our Lady of Perpetual Pettiness!”
After the Kardashians threw Blac Chyna to the curb because the youngest member of their army of Brazilian butt lift addicts was rubbing her underage parts on Chyna’s baby-daddy, we were all pretty impressed when Chyna clapped back by being the one to save Rob Kardashian (you know, making him leave the house, smile, and lose some weight after he got mega depressed because his family threw him a sock line, broke him emotionally, and then rejected him like they do with all of their men).
However, it isn’t enough for Chyna to be the Patron Saint of Rob Kardashian’s weight loss, nor is it enough that Kris Jenner is now forced to say nice things about her in the press just so Rob won’t write a tell-all about the family’s Satanic and Juvederm sponsored mating rituals, nope, the final nail in the coffin will be when Chyna becomes Mrs. Rob Kardashian and births out Robert Kardashian the Third, aka Baby “Fuck you, Kardashians and Jenners. You think you can play a bitch?”
In a recent Snapchat post, Chyna tells Rob she wants to get married and have a baby. Upon seeing said Snapchat, Kris Jenner had her 9th mimosa of the morning.
You can say what you want about Blac Chyna, but the girl is a goddamn GENIUS. Her fiancé/the father of her child dumps her so he can start banging her best friend’s teenage sister. Out of sisterly solidarity/ho solidarity, her best friend bails on her to support this nasty/illegal relationship. Chyna and the underage sister engage in a petty ass Instagram feud. Many people felt like Kylie Jenner was getting the last laugh because a) she got the man (even though, let’s be real, winning Tyga is like winning at one of those claw machines at the arcade. The prize only cost you a dollar and in reality it’s not even worth that. Plus it’s probably just a knock-off stuffed version of Goofy called Woofy, or some shit), and b) Kylie is rollin’ in dolla bills with her random successful businesses.
However, all that changed when Chyna started dating Rob, the rejected Kardashian. The family can’t publically diss her or tell Rob he can’t bring her around, because he knows all their deepest, darkest secrets (like what happened to the real Kylie Jenner), which means now, if they want to hang out with Rob, they have to deal with her.
Chyna’s like “Oh, you thought you could unfollow me on Instagram and pretend you didn’t do me dirty? Wrong, bitches! Now I’m at family dinner every Sunday! Oh, Kylie, you tryin’ so hard to be Kim? Well fuck you, who’s the Kardashian now? Oh, and Kim, you wanna be my friend and then ditch me like that? Imma have your newest nephew and be only one able to name him after your late father. Robert Kardashian III, bitch!”
Of course, maybe Blac Chyna isn’t a petty genius and maybe she just really loves Rob Kardashian, but if that were the case, I’d have a way shorter blog to write.
SRV says
What a horrifying train wreck this family is. I’d rather have chronic projectile diarrhea than a part of this.