School children get six weeks off every year from school so they can generally sleep in all day and annoy the neighbours with their awful music. Channel 4 executives used to have it easy in the summer as night time due to Big Brother constantly pestering us all. TV during the summer consisted of nothing more than watching a group of people in a house and trying to work out how to cut an onion without crying. We were doing the same, but to our main arteries.
The first couple of series of Big Brother were pitched as experiments in order to see how people reacted in claustrophobic situations. As later series progressed, we got to see a woman shove a bottle up her love tunnel.
Channel 4 ditched the show in 2010 to inevitably bring back an updated version of Eurotrash. But this loss is a gain for Channel 5 who look set to bring the show back in the summer.
With Big Brother being removed from the Channel 4 schedule it means that they now have to broadcast programming that people over the mental age of fifteen want to watch. We hope that endless cookery specials won't be broadcast that consist of Gordan Ramsay swearing at a slab of bacon until it cooks itself, or Jamie Oliver crying in a corner because he’s so bloody worthy.
Strangely enough, the buying of Big Brother has a strange echo of the current climate that faces most Premiership football clubs, bought by people with other business interests. Big Brother and The Daily Star newspaper are now part of the Richard Desomond empire, he's a bloke who?ll use it as a personal play thing amongst other accessories that are involved with Endemol ? the production company who make Big Brother.
The Daily Star newspaper isn't really known for reporting news, instead more trivial matters are dedicated towards reality TV and who's flashing their knickers when exiting a taxi. Therefore, we expect the newspaper to dedicate nothing but exclusives to the programme, easily attracting people more people hurriedly reading the story in the paper shop.
Already, The Daily Star Sunday are reporting of a celebrity based summer special where we?ll get to realise that the famous person we thought had died, hadn?t, and is simply down on their luck when it comes to finding work. Here are just some of the fantasy names that are being thrown being around when in reality; it'll just be the dog that played Wellard in Eastenders:
?Top of the wanted list” for Channel 5’s Celebrity Big Brother was Mohamed al-Fayed, while “a big money offer” would be made to troubled US actor Charlie Sheen, with female targets including Amy Childs from The Only Way is Essex and Prince Harry’s “on-off girlfriend” Chelsy Davy.?
With the Charlie Sheen tour not proving to be the source of entertainment that many idiots thought it would be, getting him enclosed in a garish house could be a source of comedy. If the two ladies rumoured to be in the show featured, Charlie Sheen could set himself his own personal task of trying to add them to his tally of goddesses or whatever the hell he refers to them as.
At least narrator Marcus Bentley will get himself some work this summer cause countless members of the people to do poor impressions of the North-East accent.
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Tom J says
Channel 5, the carrion-eater of British TV.