The Beyonce and Jay Z Divorce Was a STUNT!


File this under: HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS COMING?! This whole Beyonce and Jay Z marriage on the rocks thing has made zero fucking since to me, as they are the Brangelina of music and still seem genuinely in love (at least according to Instagram, which I always trust 100%). However, after so long even I, a devout Bey Z lover, couldn’t help but think that maybe where there is smoke there is fire.

BUT THEN, on Wednesday, Matthew Knowles, Beyonce’s dad and former manager, gave a radio interview and insinuated something that I cannot believe my little conspiracy theory obsessed mind didn’t come up with before: THE ENTIRE THING WAS A STUNT TO BOOST CONCERT TICKET SALES!

When Matthew Knowles, aka cheatin’ broke ass failin’ on his child support payments side piece baby daddy ultimate pimp, gave an interview to Houston’s “The Roula and Ryan” show, he was of course asked about the one thing that keeps him wealthy and relevant: Beyonce. And right now, everyone wants to know what’s up with all these Beyonce and Jay Z divorce rumors.

Well, what Matthew said in response implies one of two things:

1) Matthew is a fucking lunatic who probably hasn’t even spoken to Beyonce in a year, or, 2) Beyonce and Jay Z are the biggest fucking geniuses in the entertainment industry who do self-promotion in a way that Tori Spelling only wishes she could.

Okay, the answer is probably c) all of the above.

Anyway, when asked, Matthew had this to say, about the divorce:

Sometimes [rumors] ignite that tour…it’s called a Jedi mind trick, and a Jedi mind trick fools you a lot of times.

And this to say when it was implied that the entire Solange and Jay Z fiasco:

Everyone?s talking about it. Ticket sales went up. Solange?s album sales went up 200%

Ok, I even though I didn’t suspect Jay Z and Beyonce of fucking with me like that (though I should have), I totally called that Solange shit months ago!

It might seemed messed up, but I totally buy everything Matthew is saying because if the Knowles family is ANYTHING it is stunt queens!

As hurt as I am, I’ll give this one to you Bey Z: you got me good. You deserve a slow clap: