We hope you all enjoyed Easter. But if you had to sit through the massively dispiriting ?Hop? you probably haven’t.
We here at hecklerspray hate Russell Brand as much as the next man. We despise the huge gummy gap between his teeth and his top lip, we hate his misguided belief that ex-junkies are interesting (they aren't, no matter how much they go on about it, as they always do) and we hate his hair and the way he currently smells.
But what sickens us most is that he has lent his charmless presence to an Easter-themed film that this writer has been forced to watch.
Yes. We had to watch a kid?s film predominately voiced by Russell bloody Brand and, ?Hop? is, do not misunderstand us on this one, probably the worst film ever made.
Whilst Pixar sit about effortlessly passing 24-carat gold ageless entertainment from their sphincters without even noticing, Dreamworks labour on, churning out the loveless Shrek films (he's not really loveable! ROFL!) and the inexplicably popular Despicable Me. Which was basically a straight-to-DVD Incredibles.
And now they have come up with the biggest focus-group pleasing, seasonal-cash-in, exploiting new-personality shit-fest they possibly could by producing a film your children will be hugely disappointed in and will result in them probably hating you forever just for making them watch it.
If you are unfortunate enough to ever see this film you will:
1) Discover that SEEING Russell Brand is not all you need to do to hate him. HEARING him voice a tremendously poorly-rendered CGI rabbit is also sufficient.
2) Also hate the previously-unhateable Hugh Laurie (unless he's on ‘Later With Jools Holland’ playing his bloody banjo or whatever and being unconvincingly ?blues?. He's a Cambridge graduate for God?s sake) voicing an impossibly even-less convincing CGI rabbit for God’s dake.
3) Hear your 6-year old son nudge you after a mere thirty minutes and utter the words ?Can we just go?? in the most deadpan manner possible.
4) Lose the will to live.
It's a bad film is what we’re saying. If a 6-year old can't be doing with it, it shouldn’t have been made.
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Connor says
Well I guess you’ve never heard of people like Clapton or the Rolling Stones who also have played the blues. Maybe not Cambridge graduates, but not from NO either. If Hugh Laurie introduces some new fans to the blues he’ll have done his job. Besides, his piano playing need not apologize and neither should he.
Tayler says
I know If I say this someone will call me ridiculous. This movie is UnAmerican. Its basically pro monarchy, and its borderline racist. Rule by a bunch of fancy English accented bunnies who think they are a master race and believe in their divine birthright irregardless of how lazy the younger bunny might be. The big chick with a Mexican accent is made out to be the villian, but why the hell shouldn’t he be the Easter Bunny over that fat ass spoiled bunny who doesn’t even want to do it. Basically you are who you are by birth there is no room for advancement through hard work, stay in your place. The giant yellow chick can’t be it is because hes not a bunny. Hear that Mexicans you can only be servants you will never be the lead role because you are not fluffy white ass bunnies, if you step out of line it makes you cartoonish villains. I hope someday the chicks have their revolution and maybe even kill their bunny oppressors and set up idk a democracy you know the kind of government we actually want our kids to believe in.