Did you find the air seemed a little sweeter this weekend?? Did the sun shine brighter, or the flowers seem prettier?? No, you were not feeling a flashback to that time in college you licked that LSD riddled stamp.? What caused the world to seem so much better was that the child of Mr. Perfect, Ryan Gosling, and that bitch Eva Mendes was born.
If you thought Brangelina gave birth to the celebrity messiah, you were seriously mistaken.? Brad lost his perfectness the minute he cheated on his wife with Angie.? Or maybe when he made Alexander? Ah, whatever.
When the rumors first started that the King of Feminists (is that an oxymoron?), Ryan Gosling, was going to bless the world with a tiny human made from his amazing DNA, women everywhere both swooned at the thought and angrily stuck extra needles into their Eva Mendes voodoo doll.? Just a few weeks before, word on the street was actually that the two had broken up.? Supposedly, a big part of it was because Eva was feeling all old and wanting to make dem babies, while Ryan wasn’t in a rush to become a daddy, especially before getting married first.
So, around Christmas time they parted ways, and the angels sang on high.? But come January, Eva realized she didn’t need to bust?open a new box of Playtex, and BAM! Eva?was getting what she wanted, and?Gosling was on his way to becoming a bonafide FILF.? Sure, they tried to hide it, keep the whole thing on the down low, but it was no use.? The next, great special snowflake of the universe was growing, and the world had to be prepared for all of it’s greatness.
And so, this past Friday, September 12th, the daughter of Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes was born.? Her name hasn’t been revealed yet, though it’s pretty safe to say it won’t be something stupid as fuck like a fruit, a city, or something with 2 “x”s and a “z.”?? Ryan is better than that.? Even that whore evil banshee Eva is better than that.
So, here to the most perfect baby in the world.? Welcome.
Congratulations, Ryan and Eva.? And thank you.
Patricia says
Eva mayb a bitch but that IS 1 gorgeous bitch
emanuel says
Calling her a bitch was not mean really..it was sarcastic. This has been a pleasant article. loved it.
Saint Collins says
Lovely article. But what I don’t understand is why you always refer to Eva as birch, whore or whatever. Not a nice way to write a public article or is it aimed at defaming her character? Be properly guided on your choice of words
Dannette says
Quit hating!! Eva was able to do what a lot of you couldn’t do. Get a Real man by being yourself. I love’em both!!
Johanna says
26 years of work history in U.S.A. all I have seen is bitches who go to sleep with co-workers and supervisors. I bet you call Eva Mendes Bitch because you are just another wrinkled ugly dirty bitch who is jealous ’cause none have a drop of decency to cook and take care of a man. I understand. I haven’t met a single decent woman in this country. I am not an illegal alien but carry and disgusting us passport. Shame on me.