Badvertising brings you the world’s worst TV commercials. Which is basically why the internet was created, right?
This one – a TV commercial advertising Denim Diapers (sorry: nappies) made by Huggies – is particularly egregious. Because just when you thought that America could stoop no lower than openly sexualising the tweenaged Miley Cyrus, good old Uncle States of Sam poops this monstrosity into your eyes.
Video after the jump, weirdos…
Okay, the premise is this: diapers (sorry: nappies) are boring. They’re all the same: white (well, when they’re new they are) with some sticky bits and some padded bits.
Huggies decided that babies are people too, and what do people like more than soiling themselves in public? That’s right: they like being admired by the opposite sex more than soiling themselves in public. Although, we have seen some German video evidence that the two are not mutually exclusive.
Anyway, here’s the despicable ad:
Alright now: wipe the flecks of vomit from your mouth. Maybe go and gargle some mouthwash. If you are reading this in a future where there is real, actual mindbleach then perhaps you’ll want to flush a pint or two through your cortex.
See, what Huggies have done here – and all in order to sell some diapers (sorry: nappies), don’t forget – is to produce a piece of film which treats a one-year-old as some kind of sex symbol.
That needs repeating: Huggies thinks that its denim diapers (sorry: nappies) can make a one-year old sexually attractive to women and – by the look of this screen grab – gay boobwobbler Gok Wan.
But the worst thing is those terrible, back-of-a-beermat straplines which the ad company came up with over a hurried lunchtime meeting, and which now Mr Throatyvoice intones over the ad in a supposedly sexual way:
I poo in blue.
When it’s a number two, I look like number one.
And our favourite of all the kiddyfiddling innuendos:
My diaper is full. Full of chic.
Haha. HAHA! HAAHAAHAAHAA!!!!!! LOLZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chic almost sounds like shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAAARRRHAAARRRHAAARRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, Huggies: listen to our ideas and you could have the next big advertising hit on your hands:
1) Young people love vampires. Babies are young people. So have the Huggies Denim baby be a vampire, and as he’s passing Gok Wan he suddenly leaps onto the moped and bites Gok Wan’s neck and there’s blood and Gok Wan dies and the Huggies Denim baby becomes a massive wolf and oh christ, we don’t know. Unicorns fly out of his arsehole?
2) Huggies Denim baby reveals himself to be not just a fine piece of ass, but also somewhat of an intellectual giant. In the next ad, he is seen doing really hard Sudoku puzzles and crosswords and chatting with Stephen Hawking about stars and galaxies and shit. Literally: shit.
3) Your next commercial is co-directed by Roman Polanski and Woody Allen, and shows the Huggies Denim baby dancing in a stripclub as one of Gary Glitter‘s hits plays in the background.
Just stop pretending to have any kind of moral compass whatsoever is basically what we’re saying.
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Complaint at huggies says
Just saw TV advert and thought it was sick! Did they create the advert for pedophiles!!!! MADE FOR PEDOPHILES FOR PEDOPHILES!!! I am no longer purchasing any products from Huggies!!!