In what can only be described as another attempt to gain some publicity and prove she’s still relevant to society, Jodie Marsh has decided to become a lesbian. No, we don’t really care either.
But wait! The craziness of Jodie Marsh gets even, er… better. The woman shaved her lover’s initials into her scalp. Now the whole world knows how much of a loved-up dyke she is! But, really, is that the best you can do, Jodie? Sculpting the letters into her pubes would have caused us to maybe bat our eyelids for a few seconds at least.
But without a man around, who will open her jars of mustard or change her lightbulbs? No-one, that’s who. Girls can’t do those sorts of things. Nor can they get themselves pregnant. That’s why Jodie is calling upon all bloke/perverts to masturbate furiously into a baked bean tin and send the results to her in the post.
Don’t get us wrong, we love to help people when we can. Just the other day a woman asked us if we thought she looked fat in a dress. Not wanting to lie and be cast in eternal sin, we simply told the truth and said “Yes, it looks like you’ve nicked the curtains from someone’s front room. Best give them back before the owners notice and burglars see what they’ve got in their front room.” Oddly, this response didn’t go down too well. One slapped face later, we learnt a harsh lesson in life – there’s the ‘truth’ and then there’s the truth that all women want to believe.
So why has Jodie Marsh, the poor man’s Jordan, got all upset with men and decided to give lady-love a bash? It seems strange, as only a year ago she happily starred in a show for MTV called Jodie Marsh: Who’ll Take Her Up The Aisle? You probably won’t remember it – it was utter gash – but she used the show to audition men to marry her. A process that went disastrously wrong for her, because no sane people wanted to take up the offer. Just tramps and dirty old men in trench coats.
According to Digital Spy, her decision to become a rug-muncher isn’t down to her own wishful thinking. In typical fashion, it’s the fault of every man in the world. So, let us take this chance to apologise for every bloke on the planet – even for Danny Dyer – and say sorry. Jodie said to someone who probably didn’t care:
“I can see why women turn lesbian, because you get to the point where you’re sick of hearing so much f***ing bull***t, so you start to look elsewhere.”
So Jodie Marsh is a lesbian. But why she wants sperm sent to her remains unanswered. We assume she’ll be using a turkey baster to make some sort of hideous offspring, but we can’t be entirely sure. Maybe deep underground her Essex mansion she plans to create an army of creatures that will enslave all mankind.
Shooty* says
Well, seeing that, strictly speaking, she IS better looking than Sam Ronson, perhaps she could give La Lohan a go?
Flank Tarmigan says
she’s not even better looking than charles bronson.
sarah says
she is vile, probs jst wants to get anothr tv show n is still suck as much cock as she can get.
Hasnt she slagged lesbians off befor or was that jst an act of being scared of admitting what she is, took her bout 40 yrs 2 admit it. drag queen
kirsty bleything says
HA HA i gotta say the article is good!! lol
i dnt understand thou why every1 hates her so much
lol im not sayin im in love with her FUCK THAT!!!
Lol u gotta admit thou all this shit is entertainin n its better than some of the shit we here about these days lol