With the Golden Globes cancelled and the Oscars and Grammys looking likely to go the same way, what are the biggest awards around?
That's right, the BAFTAs. And because the BAFTAs are British, it's only right that it should focus on British films. And because the only British film made in the last year was Atonement, it stands to reason that Atonement should get so many BAFTA nominations that we actually feel a little bit embarrassed for it.
Even though it's sodding Atonement, for sod's sake.
The Golden Globes were a washout this year. A bit fat stink of a washout that we feel cheapened to even think about. Not because nobody famous turned up and it was over in half an hour, though – that bit was actually quite nice – but because Atonement won Best Drama. Best Drama. Not Best Drama About A Bunch of Uptight La-Di-Da Tarquins Mimbling To Each Other And Saying "Terribly" A Lot. Best Drama.
And that was even before the BAFTA nominations got involved. This year, the BAFTAs will be one of the most high-profile award shows around thanks to the Golden Globes going down the toilet and the Oscars looking mortally wounded. And, because there isn't any writers' strike over here, there'll be no picket line to cross, meaning that a bigger haul of stars than ever before will shimmy along the red carpet to watch Jonathan Ross earn nine billion pounds a second as the host, or whatever his going rate is these days.
But they needn't bother showing up, because Atonement's going to win everything anyway. All in all, Atonement has picked up BAFTA nominations for Best Film, Best British Film, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Music, Best Cinematography, Best Editing, Best Production Design, Best Costume Design, Best Sound and Best Make-Up. If only the BAFTAs hadn't omitted the Best Generic Period Keira Knightley Role Played By Keira Knightley In A Film That Only English Teachers Like And Even Then They're Probably Pretending category then Atonement would have got the quintuple hat-trick.
Of course, Atonement isn't the only film to be nominated for a BAFTA – it just feels like it. Also up for trophies are the films that everyone else has said they like, like No Country For Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Michael Clayton, American Gangster, and The Bourne Ultimatum, which for some reason is in the running for Best British Film, possibly because about two minutes of it are set in Waterloo station.
You'll be able to see who wins the BAFTAs when the awards are handed out on… oh, who cares. You'd probably prefer to jam an electric meat carver under you kneecap than that the BAFTAs.
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Femme says
I feel so validated that a British blog isn’t smitten with Atonement because neither was I. Thanks again, Hecklerspray!
King Jimbo says
Hecklerspray doen’t get smitten by much. Apart from maybe Connie Huck.