Atomic Kitten. ?Remember them? They were good weren’t they? Oh, that’s right they were amazingly gash but they did release ‘Whole Again’, a song loved by chav women the world over and so heartbreakingly rubbish we once set fire to our own ears in disgust and swore we’d never listen to pop music EVER again.
Kerry Katona used to be in this terrible band until she ran off with potato faced Brian McFadden, shagged him so ferociously babies came out of her vagina and ended up pretending to shop in Iceland while not-so-secretly hoovering up big giant lines of white stuff on camera.
While she’s been on the telly for the past 80 years, blubbering about what a raging mess she is, the others have been quietly growing older and one of them even had a birthday party to celebrate another year of not quite being as famous as that mentalist Katona.
Yes, the least annoying ‘Kitten’ Liz McClarnon held her 30th birthday party at Shaka Zulu in London and every rubbish celebrity on the planet, nay THE UNIVERSE turned up to get pissed and have their picture taken. The?guest-list?was staggeringly tragic.
Don’t believe us?
Guests included: Gareth Gates, Alex Reid, Caprice, Brendan Cole, the other two out of Atomic Mittens and even ancient Page 3 steamboat SAM FOX!!!
WE KNOW!! ?At least two folk who’ve ridden Katie Price, a really interesting and in no way dull model, a dancer bloke and three women who musically molested the Top 40 years ago. It’s like a really?disturbing?dream come true. What about the two blokes from Masterchef who made you the winner of cooking stuff?
Ingrate.
We tried to find someone saying something nice about the party but we couldn’t, which leads us to believe it was about as much fun as being forced ?to pejazzle Justin Beiber’s winky at gunpoint.
We’re sure someone at some point said:
“Happy Birthday Liz”
and possibly:
“What the fuck is Sam Fox doing here?”
Like we care.
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Sandy says
This made me laugh out loud! Well done Heckler Spray! It’s always too funny! x