Everyone loves Cheryl Cole – what with her shiny hair, impenetrable regional accent and fondness for morons.
She’s adorable. Cheryl Cole is so adorable, in fact, that the Black Eyed Peas are quickly falling under her spell. There have long been rumours that Will.I.Am and Cheryl Cole either had or are having some sort of romance, and now his bandmate Fergie has joined the party by admitting a crush on Cheryl too. Cheryl’s a lucky woman – what we wouldn’t give to be wooed by an occasionally incontinent bisexual former meth addict.
So that’s half of the Black Eyed Peas who now love Cheryl Cole. Maybe more – for all we know the other two could be in love with her as well. It’s hard to say for sure, though, because we don’t know how they feel. Or what their names are. Or what they look like, actually.
Whatever it is about Cheryl Cole – maybe it’s her absurd dress sense or her ability to cry on live TV – she certainly knows how to make men fall for her. Right now, for example, nobody knows whether or now she’s going out with Will.I.Am from the Black Eyed Peas or that dancer bloke. And, don’t forget, Ashley Cole loved her so much that he only ever knowingly vomited on one drunk hairdresser during intercourse behind her back. For Ashley Cole, that’s an impressive display of commitment.
But it’s not just men who love Cheryl Cole. According to a report – albeit a report that appears to have been written one-handed by a sweaty 14-year-old boy – Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas also wants a slice of Cheryl’s pie. And by ‘pie’ we think we mean ‘vagina’. The Sun reports:
The Black Eyed Peas singer said Cheryl was “hot enough to turn anyone”. Fergie, 35, added: “Some girls you look at and think, ‘Damn, you shouldn’t look that good’. Cheryl is one of them. She has this quality that turns powerful men into giggly schoolboys. Any guy that ends up with her will be lucky. It might not be a man. I’d take her out on a date and she knows it.”
It looks like Cheryl’s spoilt for choices at the moment, so who will she end up with? The dancer who’s linked to her because he wants to be more famous? The rapper who’s linked to her because she wants to be more famous? The woman primarily known for having the weakest bladder in pop? Some other numbskull who wants to momentarily boost their profile by pretending to fancy her? We just don’t know.
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