We only look for two things in a girlfriend – a willingness to pay our rent and the ability to dump us by phone right before we’re arrested by the FBI.
And that makes Anne Hathaway the most ideal woman in the world, because she’s apparently world class at both of those things. A new article in Vanity Fair claims that not only did Anne Hathaway pay her old boyfriend Rafaello Follieri‘s $37,000 rent for several months, but she also broke up with him by phone six hours before the FBI busted him on suspicion of widespread wire fraud offences.
What exactly does that mean? Was Anne Hathaway a victim of Rafaello Follieri’s fraud? Did she get tipped off about Follieri’s arrest? Does she come here often? Did she hurt herself when she fell from heaven? Does she have a lifeboat, because we think we could drown in her eyes? No, really, does she? They’re unusually large eyes.
Typical. We once spent an entire summer trying to get Anne Hathaway to go out with us via an array of criminal means, and none of them worked. Not stalking her, not breaking into her house when she was out to see if she’d written about us in her diary, not defacing several important monuments by gouging the phrase ‘Notice Us Anne Hathaway Or We’ll Kill Ourselves’ into them. Nothing worked.
Turns out it was because were picking the wrong criminal activities. Look at old Rafaello Follieri, for example – he’s been accused of swanning around conning people out of millions of dollars by pretending to be best pals with the Pope, and Anne Hathaway went out with him for four years. He just happened to know what illegal thing made Anne Hathaway the most aroused, that’s all.
But all that came crashing to the ground earlier this year, just before Follieri was arrested for his alleged illegal business activities. According to an incredibly long article in this month’s Vanity Fair, Anne Hathaway managed to split up with him just a few hours before he was arrested. And by phone call too, the big romantic:
When Follieri asked if she’d come to [his] birthday party on Capri, there was silence at the other end—a long, devastating, heartbreaking silence. Finally Hathaway said, “You were the love of my life. I’ll always love you. You know that, baby.” Follieri looked crushed.
Still, we’ve always found the best way to get over a failed relationship is to revel in the company of other single men, so Rafaello Follieri mustn’t have believed his luck when, just six hours later, he was thrown in prison with all the single men he could have possibly wished for.
The article also claims that Anne Hathaway paid Follieri’s $37,000 a month rent for four months before she split up with him. We’re not exactly sure what the implication is, but we would like to take the chance to point out to Anne Hathaway that our rent is much much cheaper than that, so going out with us would be much more cost-effective, and that something she should bear in mind, what with the credit crunch and all.
But the best part of the Vanity Fair article comes near the end, during an anecdote about the time that Rafaello Follieri met Naomi Campbell in the street:
Campbell recognized Follieri in passing and shouted, “You’re a beast! You’re a beast!”
Chances are that must have spooked Follieri out somewhat. But, really, it needn’t have – that’s actually just how Naomi Campbell greets everyone.
Milan 12 says
The guy was filthy rich and yet she agreed to pay his ridiculous rental costs for him for months, and then she dumps him just moments before the federal officers arrest him!! It almost sounds like she had help in this. Perhaps someone connected to the police in some way. Maybe another actress?? It’s all very curious speculation.
banso says
…the news reports aren’t exploring any deeper than superficial. i don’t think they are being allowed to dig any deeper than what is being allowed known. whatever the case, this guy is in hugely deep life-long shit. common sense alone says she had inside help and she helped to bust this guy for the feds, but we’ll probably never know. we believe there was another entertainment business figure involved but this is being underplayed considerably.