Remember when Angelina Jolie was crazy but cool? Sleeping with knives under the bed, lesbian affairs, incestual acts on the red carpet; Angie couldn't have been more desperate for attention, but the thing is it was actually interesting back then.
Now she's traded the vile of Billy Bob Thorton?s blood around her neck for a baby (or six) on her hip, her kickass Tomb Raider curves for a cocaine chic frame, and her freewheeling spirit for a pretentious, judgmental air. She tries to put on as though her new game isn't drenched with the same desperation as her younger self, only: 1. It is, and 2. It's just sad/annoying at this point.
Angie somehow got away with the transition point between her two personas. She'd start an interview talking about the sexual pleasure she gets out of cutting and end it with ?I don't know why people are interested in me; I'm so boring.? The public forgave her blowhard ways mainly because she's pretty to look at and they were too fascinated with her homewrecking to really care about much of anything else.
Then she transitioned into a Saint of sorts. The world was cool with that too, but only for a bit.
What Angie underestimated was her ability to captivate the public with her worldly do-goodings and impeccably perfect face.
The reality is that people love trainwrecks that make them feel better about themselves, not people who remind them of the real world and make them feel lesser for not doing something about it, and that Megan Fox has a good enough surgeon to pull off a decent version of St. Jolie.
So now that the A-lister finds herself being one part forgotten and two parts ignored, her natural instinct to unabashedly scream for attention (so she can act like she doesn't want it) has kicked into high gear.
Cue wedding talk.
First Bradgelina made a big statement and said they wouldn't get married until everyone could. Then, they decided to get engaged and said a wedding will definitely happen. The media freaked out and decided the Chicken Little route would be the best way to go.
After every weekend of ?They got married, only they didn't,? most everyone is left wondering why the media thinks anyone would still care.
I doubt anyone is surprised that the couple who is extremely protective of their private life will come out to say something, nay, anything when there's a movie to hawk. Not bad business sense but fairly transparent.
If Angie really did want to get married without all the hoopla, she would just do it. Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively just shocked the world with their weekend elope?it's not rocket science. But instead, Angie does Angie and goes the route of the tactful tease, lamenting later about how the tabloids never leave her alone.
Beyond the annoyance that the media keeps trying to sell a story that was relevant seven years ago, it's just sad that Angie keeps playing the ?I want my privacy? card. It's like the girl who wears virtually nothing out to the bar and then complains about getting hit on; you're the one selling it, sweetheart. Own up to it or change it yourself.
Perhaps this was the only way to grab attention after her horrifically failed attempt earlier this year, which only ended up earning her leg some attention and made her the butt of every joke.
The only thing more uncomfortable than Angie's attention-starved stunt at the Oscars was the position she had to assume to look like such an asshole.
I'm unsure if she was trying to stab passers-by with her razor sharp knee, or if she somehow thought it was her, not her beau, who was up for Best Actor, but the entire red carpet and stage posing fiasco ranked up there with one of the most delusional things she's ever done.
Maybe she noticed that looking completely emaciated is just the norm in Hollywood, so she had to take it to the next level and flaunt it. ?Hey, you can see my femur! Write about it so I can tell you how busy I am and that I don't have time to eat. Don't be thrown by the fact I'll speak condescendingly to you, insisting I'm ok and it's not an issue; it's what I wanted. I haven't eaten for weeks for this opportunity!?
I'd love to have seen the next level of attention-whoring that she'd have felt comfortable to exploit had that not worked in that moment. She's above the nipple slip, but I wouldn't doubt she'd have ?fainted? from ?fatigue and dehydration?– same basic end goal.
Some were claiming it was a joke between her and the press, but if that were true, why wouldn’t she have a sense of humor about it after the fact? At least it was a win for society that night– without Angie's insecurities pouring out for all to see, the world would never have had ?legbombing.?
While Angie will never be completely out of the limelight, She'll also never have as much of it as she so desperately needs.
While it has been an interesting battle to watch her fight, seemingly unbeknownst to herself, it's one from which I have to gracefully bow out. Shameless Kardashian stunts I can take, since they've just become a parody of themselves, but for someone that once had a clue that they were playing the game, and still has some talent, it's hard for me to stomach how pathetic she has become.
That being said, if she brings back the knives– game on.
leya says
a bit harsh..but it needed to be said. I agree.
Susie G says
I cannot believe this vile, hateful spilling of envy can be called journalism or that anyone thinks they are justified in sharing their nasty, bullying. Some people have thoughts like these of Nerland’s but know they should keep them to themselves and that to reveal them is to reveal to the world what a disturbed and horrible person they are.
People change, people grow up, just like Angelina has. It is actually shameful and embarassing that Emily Nerland is permitted to publish this diatribe. Let’s see Ms Nerland put her hand up to do the good work and to share her time and good fortune with those less fortunate, who do not have a voice but need celebrities to advocate for them.
Her mother must be mortified to realise she has produced such a spiteful, negative person who does no good for the world.
Amaya says
Hysterical article, couldn’t help but agree. I used to be a fan of her until she turned boring (mainly not interested in her newer films), but she and Brad Pitt seem to be working really hard to become the most irritating and obnoxious celebrity couple out there.
Neil says
What? Wait a minute! I thought she was a source of derision for all those things you now say were COOL. Whatever dude; truth is you have problems or no interest in what concerns her. DEMS DA FACTS. Go play with your toys.
Janet says
I thought the leg thing at the Oscars was ridiculous but I disagree with the rest of your article. No disrespect but how is caring about the world, giving millions of dollars and growing up considered boring? Also, she has never spoken to the press or exploited her engagement. The media is the only one who gives a crap. I also thought wild Angie was beautiful and fascinating but she was a crazy b***h. The woman will be 40 in 3 years and she has 6 kids. Do you still want her to be f’ing Billy Bob in her limo?
Cookie Monster says
She should have found a way to marry Bono.
Sophie Jenson says
Ouch…totally correct though!
MaryJanice Davidson says
Whether you agree or disagree with the story, Susie G, “permitted to publish”? What country do you think this is, exactly?