Ask anyone what they'd least like to happen to them during a court appearance and 'Amy Winehouse turning up late with a weird haircut and loudly screeching her love' would figure pretty high.
But that's what Blake Fielder-Civil had to deal with during a court date on Friday about his assault and perverting the course of justice charges. According to reports, Amy Winehouse staggered in five minutes from the end and started hollering things like "Love you, handsome, gorgeous one!" at the judge like a thing possessed.
Well, technically we're told that Amy Winehouse was shouting those things at her husband, but we've looked at it from every angle and the phrases 'Blake Fielder-Civil' and 'Handsome, gorgeous one' just don't want to fit together.
Blake Fielder-Civil doesn't appear to be a man capable of particularly brilliant thought, since his two main recent thoughts have appeared to be "I know, I'll dress exactly like Pete Doherty from now on" and "Why don't I kick this guy in the face and then allegedly pay him to lie to the police about what happened," but his recent reported thought about wanting to divorce Amy Winehouse was the rare exception to this rule.
After all, that bloody Amy Winehouse has done nothing but hold Blake back, whether it's been through making him more famous than his ratty little face would have ever allowed by not being Mr Amy Winehouse or allegedly providing the financial means to offer the guy whose face he apparently kicked in $200,000 to leave the country. What a bloody bitch.
If that's not grounds for divorce right there we don't know what is.
However, it doesn't look as if Amy Winehouse is going to let this divorce happen without a fight.
On Friday Amy turned up to Blake Fielder-Civil's latest court hearing to show her support. And by 'show her support' we clearly mean 'rolling in looking unsteady five minutes from the end, only to blow kisses like the world's least convincing Barbara Windsor impersonator'.
ABC News reports:
Entering court just five minutes from the end of the hearing — which had lasted more than half an hour — Winehouse, disheveled and dressed in a cream skirt, dark polo shirt and sporting her new blonde haircut, first mouthed: "I love you" and blew kisses to her 25-year-old husband as he left the dock. She then yelled "Love you handsome, gorgeous one" as the judge discussed legal matters with lawyers.
She then turned to the several reporters sitting next to her in the public gallery and added in a loud voice: "I am not talking to you."
And that's about as clear a statement that Amy Winehouse isn't ready for divorce as you're likely to get, apart from that time when she told a crowd of 13,000 people that Blake was going to beat them all up.
In other news, Amy Winehouse seems to have taken our suggestion that she watches Birds Of A Feather to console herself to her new-found prisoner's wife status a little seriously, judging by her new haircut. By going for the 'dyed blonde Jeremy Kyle viewer' look, Amy has switched from looking like Dorian the slutty Jewish neighbour to being the spitting image of Linda Robson in one fell swoop.
Next, we predict that Amy Winehouse will cram her gut with pastry until she looks like Pauline Quirke. At which point, having successfully aped the look of all three Birds Of A Feather actresses, the world will explode. Or something. We really haven't thought this through, you know.
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john says
Apparently, she’s on the front page of this Tuesdays Sun honking on her crack pipe